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Each Other, Both the Skew

Submitted by docmaverick on Sat, 2012-07-07 09:41

I spied you by the shadows
in the shadows of my mind,
you made my dreams seem dizzy, come what may;

When I left you in the shadows,
I left you off for good,
seems it's you controls what happens on this day.

You lured among the gables
lurked by the cottages,
everything went fuzzy for a while;

something went electric
in the chilly, by the hearth;
I really must insist on but, a smile.

Deep into the evening
invisibility occurred,
not to mention dizzy dreams, and come what may;

Then I left you in the shadows
in a place ye would not fear;
while you were laughing, I gently slipped away.

I viewed you in the shadows
didn't think it were my turn
but the turnstiles thread each other, both the skew;

when I left you in the shadows
I believed 'twas understood,
do this to me; 'twill happen twice, or more for you.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
A rrreallllllllllll rough draft.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

docmaverick

Sat, 2012-07-07 09:56

docmaverick's picture

....say this 3 times to someone!
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

Candlewitch

Mon, 2012-07-23 12:06

Candlewitch's picture
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I like these lines:

Deep into the evening
invisibility occurred,
not to mention dizzy dreams, and come what may;

Then I left you in the shadows
in a place ye would not fear;
while you were laughing, I gently slipped away.

It reminded me of someone dear to my heart, but now departed.

always, Cat

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docmaverick

Mon, 2012-07-23 15:04

docmaverick's picture

...then, a memory returns much the same as smoke in the wind.
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment
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