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E-mailing my OLD friend, the Roman poet Catullus

What’s this???
Puella mea me non amat.
Vale, puella! Catullus obdurate . . . .
(My girl does not love me.
Farewell, Catullus will endure.)

Catullus, salve me amice!
Just read your note that IMHO suggests
thinly disguised relief at the termination of your obligation
toward your lady friend.
Sure sounds ominous as I read about your latest
disappointment with THAT puella. Are you serious?

Sorry to hear she dumped you, LMAO!
I never thought this would happen,
for you and your puella have been thick
as thieves and never parted company
till the child of morning, rosy-fingered Dawn
or her husband appeared on the premises.

Well, Catullus, these things happen,
not just in your time; nothing has changed
over these past two millennia.
Glad to hear you will endure your loss, even
without her kisses. Now that she no longer
deserves your presents and roses, think
of all the denarii you could save.
Girls don’t come cheap; my wife is the exception,
content with the occasional poetic couplet.

Anyhow, this latest development at your end
should leave you with all the more resources
for toga parties and visitations to wine houses
and those other places you so enjoy
(wink wink, nudge nudge), LOL.

I am well, my friend; wish you were here.
There are countless wealthy puellae in my over-55
community; they outlived their husbands
and would love you for your erotic poetry.

Ut dico vos verum (to speak the truth), I no longer
venture outside my house without a big stick--
(is “talea” the right word?) to ward them off
ever since I had published some of my own
passionate love sonnets that were, at least
in part, inspired by your own poetry.

Take heart my dear friend, and remember:
“Si finis bonus est, totum bonum erit,” or as we say,
All’s well that ends well. Come and visit.

And, for Rhadymanthas’ sake, Catallus,
don’t take any wooden denarii, and watch out
for those Romans bearing gifts with strings
attached; let me e-mail you a yo–yo, LOL.
Okeydookey, vestri amicus. Vale,

Giraldus

PS: Celebrating my 86th birthday this Octo IV;
plurimos annos to me!

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Comments

Hello Dear Jerry, I tell you i have very little idea of what you speak, saying that your comedy muse is just that this is hilarious i've never seen so many LMAO inside a poem, thank you. we all need a giggle keep it up Sir. you have a very cheeky muse indeed.

Thank you...Teddy

at least it's morn here in my part of Arizona, where the sky is nearly always blue, and the muses sun-bathe in my backyard and feed me comical notions. Thank you for reading my e-mail, one that's partially written in a dead language, but for good reason: you see, my friend, Catullus, has been dead for a long time, and what other way to reach him is there but to write to him in that equally dead lingo. Again, thank you for reading, dear lady. Vale, Jerry

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author comment

LOL, Jerry!
You are ingenious - at least the poet whom we know here is ingenious. Many times I have to educate myself while reading your clever writs, and always better for it. What a clever poem - I'd love to know how Catullus responds!
Thank you!
L

thanks for your oh-so-nice comment.I truly appreciate your kind words. What Catullus would say to my write--I do not know, and I believe in leaving dead poets' ashes undisturbed, lest they fly up to lodge themselves in my brain. By the way, his girl's name was Lesbia--of lesbian fame--I think, but the name resemblance points at her sexual preference. No, that can't be! Most likely she was that poet's invention. Lesbia? Naw! Thank you for reading my e-mail to old Cat, dear lady. Much appreciated, Jerry

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>Please visit my website: www.jerrykspoetry.com

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