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dreams of fog

the white colour hangs

above their roofs,

                          dreams of fog;

 

deeper down the earth is wet,

watery clouds shine in the puddles

            and the morning birds are still asleep.

 

people, locked up on doors and thresholds,

wear their good attires and stand,

peering through the crevices.

 

they do not know that

          neither the teddy-bear-man shall pass under their windows,

          nor shall the children run on the iced roads,

          nor shall the laughter of the elders’  echo on the glass;

 

but they do know that dreams of fogs,

which stand above their heads,

exist and will take them away.

 

so they accept that at least something is bound to happen.

 

 

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

that this must be a folktale of some sort in your culture. The idea that fog represents an evil or bad portent thing persists in many parts of the world. I would change the lines of "people locked up on doors and thresholds, wear their good attires and stand peering through the crevices".

people wearing good attire
stand behind locked doors and thresholds
peering through crevices

~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Thank you so much for your time and your revisions! Happy new year to thee!!

author comment

I'm always ready to help. ~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

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