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Dream Destination
Hope was in driver's seat
coursing on the subconscious freeway
dreaming to a pseudo destination
just beyond the stretch of imagination
Flashes of brilliance leading to a tunnel
"Park your bodies , let go of your final breath,
This way to Salvation"
proclaimed the Signage
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
raj
Tue, 2010-11-30 16:11
Wanted to add an element of
Wanted to add an element of mystery to the Title, hence changed it from "Hopefully" to "Destination X"
raj (sublime_ocean)
raj
Thu, 2010-12-02 14:00
Thank you Xena
good to know you liked it...
warmly..
raj (sublime_ocean)
scribbler
Thu, 2010-12-02 22:45
dream
Much better driven by hope than despair. A good short poem.............scribbler
raj
Fri, 2010-12-03 13:03
Thank you Stan for the time
Thank you Stan for the time to read this one and appreciative comment..
warmly....
raj (sublime_ocean)
Race_9togo
Fri, 2010-12-03 01:04
Hey Raj,
This is a really good metaphor. And I love the tunnel imagery, that's just magic, especially for a long-commute driver like me, heehee.
And I agree with Scribbler...better hope than despair in the driver's seat.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
raj
Fri, 2010-12-03 13:05
Dear Jim..
good to know you liked the use of the metaphor...thank you for your words...
warmly...
raj (sublime_ocean)
raj
Fri, 2010-12-03 15:26
Dear Longo
Thank you for your comment....as an amateur i use poetry as a means of unwinding and de-stressing from the daily routine....when it comes good (not always) and is appreciated by readers like you..it keeps me inspired to keep learning and evolving...which is why i find Neopoet a great workshop...
warmly...
raj (sublime_ocean)
raj
Sun, 2011-01-02 12:24
Dearest JayCee...
i am happy to know you liked this one..thank you for the comment...
much love...
raj (sublime_ocean)
raj
Sun, 2011-01-02 12:24
Dearest Shirl...
thank you for the read and your comment...
much love..
raj (sublime_ocean)
mand
Sun, 2011-01-02 12:25
Hi Raj
A very imaginative poem. I love the idea that
"hope is in the drivers seat.... dreaming to a pseudo destination
just beyond the stretch of imagination - headed for a dream destination.
Wonderful positivity.
Love Mand xxxxxxxx
raj
Sun, 2011-01-02 12:26
Dear Mand...
thank you for your appreciative comment...
hope you have eased well into the New Year..
much love..
raj (sublime_ocean)