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Dream On...

Hairy Brute, eyes of yellow
Shining in the night
Standing silent, in the meadow
Giving me a fright

It stalks my camp, makes low growls
Sits in the piney wood
It scares the wolves, stops their howls
I know it means no good

What it intends, I don't really know
I hope it goes away
The night is passing, oh so slow
I can't wait for break of day

I'm in my tent and fitful sleep
Dreaming now, of my girlfriend's pair
I'm so warm, feel the wool of sheep
Wait a minute, I think that's hair!

I hold my breath, think a minute
I don't believe it's true
She's here with me, my bag, she's in it!
I call her name, that you?

A big, soft sigh, warm breath in my ear
A caress down you know where
I think I've had too much beer
But I don't really care

I'm glad you're here, is what I think
But your hair is wild and your hands are tough
I've noticed that you have a stink
Your tongue in my ear is kinda rough

My brain begins to make a scene
Things ain't right, you see
I'm thinking of, what that might mean
I'm so scared that I might pee!

Strong arms enfold me, hold me tight
Stronger than a man
Oh well, relax, enjoy the night
I'll run later, if I can...

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
I know I said earlier, that I was done with changing things. But after reading it again, with the changes I made, I've decided to go back to some of the things I used before and change a couple of others. Now, it's done!
Editing stage: 

Comments

Geezer. Beginning is fair enough. I like an ending with ellipsis, whatever anyone else says.
Stanza 2, L3, I would trade 'stop' for something with 2 syllables.
Stanza 2, L4, I would loose one syllable ~ say 'I know it means no good'

Reminds me of Balou in Disney's Jungle Book.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

of adjustments, what do you think?
~ Geezer.
.

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

author comment

Stanza 2 you already have 'stalks', 'growls', 'sits', 'scares', 'wolves', 'howls', and 'means' so why not swop 'making' for 'makes' and 'stopping' for 'stops'? Then you will be able to include 'that' as in 'I know that it means no good' and it may flow better,. What say you?

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

'sits out in the piney wood' ?????

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

I think I've made all the adjustments I'm going to. I'm satisfied with the meter now, the way it is. Thanks anyway.
~ Geezer.
.

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

author comment

all the adjustments, I'm going to make on this one. I'm satisfied with the meter now. Thanks anyway.
~ Geezer.
.

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

author comment

Had to and wanted to read again and again. Fear of the unknown? How much do you want? Acceptance, ahhh!
Good open ended journey.

Miserably Happy

Not like, Mr. King, but one after seeing a story about a man that was saved by a female Bigfoot and lived in a cave with her through the winter. I got to wondering...
~ Geezer.
.

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

author comment

Try replacing "there" with stealthy in line 3. The rest well depict the fear of things that go bump in the night

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