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double grumble

Submitted by loved on Sun, 2013-04-14 20:45

grumblers two
can't still believe
it's a metre long...
you work in depth
in knots
all know
but metre perhaps
is a bit too long ...
no!

reduce your weight...
I did too
ran a mile
then collapsed
as just as well
with the laden weight
of bag of vegetables

so why reduce weight
I say
make do
your better half will still love you
slow be it never mind
life's always been a fast grind...
never mind

the days ahead
better slow
than be dead.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Josephus

Sun, 2013-04-14 21:02

Josephus's picture

OK Loved, now I at least understand your context. Losing weight is a personal challenge and can only be accomplished if you believe in yourself and the "rightness" of the exercise and diet. I know, I lost 80 pounds in to years. Others caenciurage but only you can make it work successfully.

Blessings,

Joe

My mind's writing cheques my body can't cash.

loved

Sun, 2013-04-14 21:10

loved's picture

which in all humans
does enter
then i visualize
and
compose poetry
concise.....

but yes
I also now need to weigh down
else one day
I'll look a clown ...

which I now mostly do
to humour guys
like you

so I must thank you too!!!!

loved

author comment

Ian.T

Mon, 2013-04-15 04:06

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

Unless people don't overindulge through mostly boredom, then I think that they will become their natural weight.
What was the fist Stanza all about ??? is that your waist measurement ??
Once again you have used a comment as a separate poem, you see I still read all the poems and the comments lol, Yours Ian.T
PS:- have just found the first Stanza as a comment to Joe's poem about the city Yin and Yang (Now Now Naughty, you trying to trip me up)
LOL

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

loved

Mon, 2013-04-15 08:16

loved's picture

always as you can
Ian my poetic man,
sparrow

loved

author comment
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