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Double Cinquain

Time yields
radiant solids:
the hurtling hail, gemstones
on wedding-bands, your epitaph
on bronze.

My heart:
did you avow
this magic starry sky
is less ephemeral, or brief,
than life?

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Thank you, dear Teddy. I wrote them ages ago. You know my muse is on holiday...You're too kind, don't know about "exquisite", but I'm grateful.
Best wishes, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment

I came back because I found these cinquains in my files! Something always saves the day for me to come back and join my dear pals at Neopoet.
Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment

Thank you, dear Teddy. I do hope you're right about my Muse. I love coming here as much as you do! Best wishes, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment

Hello, Gracy
So good to see you and your poignant poem. Beautiful imagery. The more I read this, the more meaningful and lovely it becomes.
Thank you!
L
(Hmm...are you counting 'radiant' with 2 syllables or 3?)

I'm also happy to be here, dear L. I'm glad you like my cinquains. I count 3 syllables in radiant. Dunno for sure...lol
All the best, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment

your head tilted back, looking up at the starry-heavens and wondering about where does life go? Does it just end?
That's my interpretation. Beautiful, no matter how you meant it. ~ Geez.
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My chatroom is taking a break
if you have ideas about times that
are more convenient and subjects
to talk about, contact me and we can discuss it
Thank you for your participation.
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I really love the “more is less” poems. Makes people think, and your poems does make people think, very effectively! I had to re-reade it a couple of times... came off the thrid reading , same as the first! With a “Wow”!

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Oh Ray, thank you so much for your kind comments. I'm glad the cinquains make you think. It's nice when one can connect through poetry.
Best wishes, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment

Dear Geez, I like your interpretation of my cinquains. I think you're right. Love to be back here. My Muse is still stubborn.
Best wishes, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment
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