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Donuts

Submitted by brittle light on Thu, 2010-11-18 07:57

.
the donut shop is closed
he sits on the doorstep
and he waits

what kind of a man does that

is he slow, like dumb
or simply wise in patience and purpose

a pitiful lost soul
or deeply grounded in self-understanding

is his mind a'grumble
or in the blissful glow of anticipation

the donut shop is closed
he sits on the doorstep
and he waits

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Geezer

Thu, 2010-11-18 13:54

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Excellent! I see you wondering, as I often do; What is his/her motivation? Only criticism I see, is : He sits [on] the doorstep, and I would add, and [he] waits. Great job! ~ Gee

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scribbler

Thu, 2010-11-18 15:28

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he wants what he wants when he wants it.......scribbler

Kailashana2

Thu, 2010-11-18 18:10

Is this a poem about Homer Simpson?

Just kidding, you had me with the title.

~A

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