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Don't Let Them Win

Do not label terrorists
as Christians or Muslims!
They threaten the peace
with their endless schemes

When religion teaches love,
respect, tolerance and humility
all that they have to serve
is hatred, chaos and disharmony.

Do not let their presence weakens us,
turning us against each other
we are making it all so much worse
when we start blaming one another

Stop pointing fingers and listen!
The devils are laughing in delight
enjoying the loss of reasons
as our blind fists begin to strike

They are pulling the strings
while we become their puppets!
They are celebrating
our pain and our regrets

Provocation only breeds anger.
There lies only the path to ruin
but if we stand united together,
there is hope that we'll win

Return to your religions, my friends
seek for His guidance and strength!
hope that when this war ends
victory will be settling in our hands

Save our brothers from manipulators
who begin this tragedy out of greed,
hatred, anger and lust for power
let us spread the message of peace

Capture their leaders for rehab
cleanse their mind from all filth
a chance for debate we must grab
the hope to end our own grief

Defend ourselves with knowledge
from the teachers who reveals truth
so that our faith will not be damaged
as we tackled this madness from its roots

For the sake of our future,
don't let them win!

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

like squids...like mountian apes in the viney steamy hilltops throws his stones..
old mens and womens throw molotovs and the hungarian resistance fought
digging up pavement stones too....gets people out of the house..everyone
tired and puting on masks and sheilds to fight the tiredness the sadness
the pains of repression and opression....sad i too agree with the tone of
this poem urging love not war...like the great Axe commercial spoofs the
great perfume ads...i with holes in my shoes and long black jacket
get my free spray from the man to mask my -poverty my frustrations
it is better then tear gas and carnage..but even that is beautiful
a relief from the great storm building like electricity...like lightning
finding its peace back home....our ground we defend not knowing why
and dying for whom and for what..

poets write peace...ply for reason with love of words..

thank you!

is this a stronger metaphor for hunger

Just a butt in as Steve might miss this one:-
Hungarian refers to the people of Hungary, they spent a lot of years being suppressed, in fighting for freedom from the Russians, they basically invented the Molotov cocktail, a bottle of petrol with a piece of rag in the top, this they lit and would throw at attackers and it would sometimes destroy a tank.
This is used in many conflicts now,
Take care Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

much appreciated.

Alid

Knowledge is a gift, health is wealth..

author comment

In an ideal world, yes.

'The pen is mightier than the sword'...Dr Samuel Johnson

However, terrorism gets it's sway. It's effective, it works (up to a point). Humans are warlike creatures, always will be. De facto.

Without 'terrorism' women in Britain would not have got the vote. (Look it up, it's a fact.) There is a time for protest, but let me just state, I'm not a violent person and abhor the death of innocent people.

God/'Him'/ Whatever deity you choose, will not deliver peace. Intelligent, diplomatic humans will.

Thought provoking write, thank you for sharing it.

Ellie

to me, it is like this. He has His own plan and humans don't know it. Tragedies can bring people together as we felt for them.Terrorism exist because there are people out there who are either manipulating, manipulated or are insane themselves.He is testing us. that is His promise in the Qur'an. we are tested to reveal to us and to His angels if we are worthy of His paradise.

When Adam is created, the angels ask Him " Why are You creating a race that will do evil on earth, when we never stop praising your name, worshipping you?" and He says" You don't know what I know."

The angels believe at that time that humans cannot be good but He knows otherwise.. He is God after all.He is capable of anything. He will only help those who help themselves. He gives us the brains and the hearts. Those are our tools from Him.If we used them for evil, we can't blame Him. He gave us free will not to do evil but it is for us to enjoy our life as we choose it to be. That's how I see it.I don't agree with you when you say "He will not deliver peace. Intelligent, diplomatic humans will" but I do understand how this feeling come about. You are free to believe whatever you will, my friend. Just becoz we don't agree doesn't mean we can't respect each other as friends...

Alid

Knowledge is a gift, health is wealth....

author comment

A well put together piece, if you look at Eskers reply that in its being is a great write, I read all comments, and you become use to how poets put their words together and a style of writing.
With Loved you can see near the next poem to be put on stream, not always a good habit.
Have a good look around and read all you can, especially the classics, though you have to make your own image, Become Kalid and then use all the information there is to enhance your writes.
You can always write the odd piece in someone else's style, then revert to your own way and polish it up.
Take care and keep writing, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

for the visit and the encouragement. However, I do agree with Jayne that it needs a little brushing up with the end rhymes..all i'm doing with this piece is voicing out my thoughts. This is still the rough draft after all...Any ideas to help me a bit with the tweaking?

Alid

Knowledge is a gift, health is wealth....

author comment

the whole earth now tragically cannot pause to ponder altogether, shaft are wasted at noonday minds oblivion of boa bent to kill

Without the need for a god to guide us, we could perhaps be peaceful. But those who kill, terrorist, prime minister or president, blame the whole damn mess on some imagined figure in our solar system. Everything happens in the name of god, we have got to give us heathens a chance because religion is failling and failling badly. It's us who murder and rape the innocents, drop and place bombs, use poison and nerve gas, slaughter whole towns or villages. Stop blaming something you can't even see or hear. I am a heathen and peaceful and proud, but i am also a realist and know that i and we don't do enough to deserve peace. Good poem got me ranting. Love Roscoe.

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

God never ask us to do evil. That is our own fault..

Alid

author comment

I think this is a really good poem I love the theme, choose love not war, My only niggle is that some of the end rhymes are a little off they stall the rhythm when its being read out loud, I think this with a little bit of work is going to be a polished gem

lovely work my friend

love and hugs JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

glad you like the theme. any ideas how to give it a boost?

Alid

Knowledge is a gift, health is wealth...

author comment

I've done some edits but don't know how to improve on the ending...

Alid

Knowledge is a gift, health is wealth...

author comment

I will copy it and see what I can offer its nearly 4am I'm off to bed will be back in a few hours...

JC x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

It is good to see that you are now hitting comfort zone and having the mental freedom to write on varous aspects of life like this one. Many learned members have already give a pat on your back...

You may think of removing the comma after respect in Line 2 2nd stanza or add comma after love in Line 1 of the second stanza...

Regards,,,

raj (sublime_ocean)

This will be a little harsh.
You presented a complaint. A viable one. Cliché. The complaint is as old as mankind's culture. We abuse one another.
Now, suggest something.
This is a hard thing to do. Men have been "suggesting" something concerning this problem as long as there has been a problem, but you took it on yourself to raise the subject again, so you must raise the bar. What you "teach" is as old as the problem. You make the point and say simply- "stop".
It is not enough.
It requires something pseudo original.
To be fair, this is an age old difficulty and why poets don't often attempt to "teach" through poetry. Saying something new is called for. Saying something new is almost impossible.
That is my problem with didactic poetry.
As for the poem, there were some inconsistencies with the meter, but nothing life threatening and the emotions are honest.
The anguish is something legitimately felt. It simply needed a slightly new approach to the answers.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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don't know if its enough but so far, this is the best that I can do. my thinking is that the ones who carried out the deed are merely those who are brainwashed.so the best thing to do is to weaken or get rid of the manipulator's influence first by open debate and better suggestions to handle anger in some issues. still don't know how to put that part in the poem, so I just put "save our brothers.. we must encourage then to find out the truth while we strive to protect ourselves. i don't see another way other than to replace the manipulators with the real teachers who sincerely follow the religion itself. killing the manipulators must be the last resort. if we can bring them to our side, it will be so much better. of course, this is just what I think, I never say that it will be easy..

Alid

author comment

You had a very solid idea. Indeed, it must go "into" the poem. That is point of the poetry- to speak through the poem and not our prose. You can do this. Consider it an exercise. Add a stanza and say what you just told us.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

cracking my head for the right words.. even if I didn' t get them tonight, I'll see if I can do it tomorrow...

Alid

author comment

what do you think...

Alid

author comment

Also, you brought the beginning back to the ending. Always tell them what you're going to say, say it, then tell them what you said.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

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