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Don't Kid Me Killer...

Killer stomped into the office, his face was twisted mean
He slammed the fuckin' door, and then began to scream
What the fuck is going on here? I really want to know
Everyone was frozen stiff, their faces white as snow
Silence filled the room, the radio went dead
And not a peep was heard, there was nothing said

Dispatch Bob said; Jesus! Look at this crazy man
Jesus Jim said; Bobby, I'm not knowing if I can
His hands are full of blood; I wonder what he did?
While they wondered what, day-drivers went and hid
Bob's voice was soft and worried, "Killer, please calm down"
"Tell us all about, your night upon the town"

Killer looked around and growled, "It's just the same old shit"
I had two fares that couldn't share... their big asses wouldn't fit
So I took one to the park and pulled up by the lake
She screamed when I was asking; "How much ass that I could take"
I guess the knife was scaring her, so I hid it in her throat
She bled so bad I couldn't stop it, I got it on my coat

I went back and got the other, she was cursing and so mad
But I smiled and reassured her, life really ain't so bad
I helped her with the groceries; there was no one home
Her husband has been gone, the kids big enough to roam
I guess she thought that she would pay me, by giving me some head
Her eyes grew bigger than before, when I pulled my knife instead

Bobby's face went so pale, as Killer described the scene
And Jimmy started looking, a darker shade of green
Killer babbled on, about how he'd had to piss
About the guy who tried to give him, "Just a little kiss."
The killing mounted up, as he progressed the night
But each one was justified, in old Killer's sight

Now his eyes turned to the scrambler, I'd like to smash that thing!
The inventor should be strung-up, I'd grab his balls and make him sing
The other guys can't hear us, you can't hear me, nor I you
I'm sitting at the traffic light, not knowing what to do
Should I go left... or maybe right, I'm sure it's wrong each way
Then I feel my gut is burning, I haven't eaten much today

I'm feeling kind of pissed right now, I'd like to smash and kill
Give me one good reason, and I surely will
The vehicle you gave me is just a pile of trash
I could hardly see the road, I almost had a crash
'Cause the headlights are all crooked, the brakes are mushy too
Next time give me something better, or I'm killing you

Bobby sighed and Jimmy relaxed a little bit
Bobby said I promise; Killer, I won't give you no more shit
The widow-maker you been driving, goes off the road this week
You're gonna get a bubble-car, the best one in the fleet
I like your style, it's simple, kill the problem fares
But, please don't kill them all, they don't like it much upstairs

Now go home, get some rest, clean up the car please first
Here's some paper-towels and spray, just get up all the worst
Killer mumbles something foul I'm sure, grabs the stuff and goes
Jimmy lights a cigarette, smoke comes from out his nose
Damn! he sure was wound up tonight, he needs to take a break
Dispatch-Bob says; I agree, it's more than I can take

So ends another night-shift, Killer's gone at last
Central-Brown starts waking up, the calls are coming fast
Dispatch-Bob says " Take it out there, go and get the Square"
Then the T.V. news, says there's bodies everywhere
No clues have been discovered; Killer's got away again
Dispatch Bob and Jesus Jimmy, are so glad that he's their friend!

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words: 
I know my puncuation stinks these days, so any help is appreciated. This was written for my friend Bobby. He has the first draft, signed. He always wanted one just for him. he thinks he will be rich when I die! LOL
Editing stage: 

Comments

I was much taken by thecareful rhyme and best the story line. My punctuation is terrible, too, so I can't help you there. I enjoyed going on this nights job and riding shotgun with Killer! I always enjoy your "Killer" scenarios.

So ends another night-shift, Killer's gone at last
Central-Brown starts waking up, the calls are coming fast
Dispatch-Bob says " Take it out there, go and get the Square"
Then the T.V. news, says there's bodies everywhere
No clues have been discovered; Killer's got away again
Dispatch Bob and Jesus Jimmy, are so glad that he's their friend!

always, eddy & Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

I know that there are some rough places to smooth out, but I haven't been myself lately. I will look at it later and try to put my puncuation in order, then try to iron out the wrinkles. Hope you had nice holidays. Killer says hi to you and Eddie. ~ Gee

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