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Don't

You can write/type in
what ever font you want.
You can choose the size,
shape, color, anything really.
Don't mistake fantasy with
real life. Because when you
write fantasy you can choose
the font. life isn't like that. Don't
try to make it one.

Life is like a puzzle. I know
that people say that a lot.
Except they say that it's like
a puzzle because 'it's
confusing but in the end
it all makes since'. But I think
that all of our lives are puzzle
pieces from different puzzles,
but the pieces fit. so it technically
it can be finished but it never is
an actual picture, and it never
makes since. life never makes since.
Don't put your life in a puzzle box.

Book marks mark that page of the
book that you are currently reading.
it is so you can leave, take a break
from reading and come back later.
Life isn't like that. we don't have a
book mark to stop life and give us
a break from living. "Don't leave"
they say because we all know that
in life, if you lose your page, you can
never come back. So don't
Don't breath
Don't move
Don't speak
Don't Don't Don't Don't
Don't cry because
its not your fault that
every second as you
talk and move someone
is dyeing, when you want
to die yourself...
but Don't

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

your language ok, but I think the spelling you are looking for is [sense] not since and the spelling of not living, is [dying]. The theme is interesting, but a bit muddled. I would delete the "Don't breathe, Don't move, Don't speak, Don't. Don't, Don't. instead I would use: Every second you live, someone else is dying, when you want to die yourself. But, don't! ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

I would really love to record this one for you and see what you think of me reading it aloud. Is that okay with you? Gee has given you some good advice regarding spelling an interesting idea for you to consider about the repetition, but I would read it as is, if you want me to.

Kelsey

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I would love you to read this aloud swamp witch. send me the link if you can :)

author comment

I will read this aloud. I am going to change every use of since to sense, because it makes more sense.
What strikes me weird, and I think you will hear this, is that this is a literary, not so much a spoken word poem, although it reads well. Hear for yourself.
https://soundcloud.com/neopoet/dont

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Critique, don't comment.

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A good poem or at least one with lots of potential. Geezer has given you a useful critique. Take it to heart and you will be producing classics in no time. I notice he even corrected the spelling of breathe without bothering to mention it. Keep writing.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
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