Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
The Doll - Idle Time Workshop
Little girl stared at the doll.
Beautiful doll.
Golden curls.
Bright blue eyes.
Sweet rosy cheeks.
It had been a gift to little sister
from Mommy and Daddy.
She touched its soft
smooth neck
and with one swift twist - Pop!
Off came its head.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
A wee bit jealous.
Editing stage:
Workshop:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Lavender
Sun, 2020-07-19 11:55
Hi, Teddy
Sibling rivalry...it's real!
Thank you!
L
Lavender
Sun, 2020-07-19 13:17
Hi, Jerry
Jealousy can be pretty cruel!
Thank you for reading!
L
c lynn brooks
Sun, 2020-07-19 14:51
lavender
ouch very astute example of jealousy short sweet and gets right to the point
Chrys
check out our chat room open to all 24/7
Lavender
Sun, 2020-07-19 14:57
Hi, Chrys
Thank you for reading and your generous comments!
L
Lavender
Sun, 2020-07-19 16:05
Hello, Teddy
Good suggestion - I did, however, want the language to reveal a sense of an older sibling. I'll think that over!
Thank you!
L
Geezer
Mon, 2020-07-20 01:21
Great twist...
I liked that one, for sure! Yes, I think that he [Dad], should be daddy; makes it sound a bit more childish. [Therefore more petty]. Great [twist] and yes a good pun. LoL ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Lavender
Mon, 2020-07-20 08:45
Hi, Geezer
Daddy it is! Good suggestion from both you and Teddy. :)
Thank you so much for reading!
L
infinite_dwarf
Tue, 2020-07-21 12:00
Lav
Hopefully it wasn't a Barbie. Those things are worth a bloody fortune nowadays if original.
This earned a great chuckle.
Lavender
Tue, 2020-07-21 12:17
Hello!
No Barbies were harmed in the making of this poem. :)
Thank you so much for reading!
L