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The Doll - Idle Time Workshop

Little girl stared at the doll.
Beautiful doll.
Golden curls.
Bright blue eyes.
Sweet rosy cheeks.
It had been a gift to little sister
from Mommy and Daddy.
She touched its soft
smooth neck
and with one swift twist - Pop!
Off came its head.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
A wee bit jealous.
Editing stage: 
Workshop: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Sibling rivalry...it's real!
Thank you!
L

author comment

Jealousy can be pretty cruel!
Thank you for reading!
L

author comment

ouch very astute example of jealousy short sweet and gets right to the point

Chrys

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Thank you for reading and your generous comments!
L

author comment

Good suggestion - I did, however, want the language to reveal a sense of an older sibling. I'll think that over!
Thank you!
L

author comment

I liked that one, for sure! Yes, I think that he [Dad], should be daddy; makes it sound a bit more childish. [Therefore more petty]. Great [twist] and yes a good pun. LoL ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Daddy it is! Good suggestion from both you and Teddy. :)
Thank you so much for reading!
L

author comment

Hopefully it wasn't a Barbie. Those things are worth a bloody fortune nowadays if original.

This earned a great chuckle.

No Barbies were harmed in the making of this poem. :)
Thank you so much for reading!
L

author comment
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