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The Dog and The Butterfly

Take this city rat’s mind

That’s always sniffing
For cheese

Running for cover
Racing and

Clicking and posting
For likes

Hustling and posturing
For approval
Or money

Or whatever crack
Is in my veins

And turn it into
A country dog’s

Lying on the floor
In the sunlight
With the same old bone

When it comes
To happiness

Without guilt or fear or materialism

To take a bite
Every once in a while
Out of
The sofa

Get distracted
By a butterfly
Flying among
The backyard sycamore trees

Yes, may that be
My dance

The dog and the butterfly
Not the rat and the cheese

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
This could be a companion piece to the Cat People poem I posted.
Editing stage: 


That's a fair title, It would tempt me to read further "What about the dog and butterfly?"
Simple language used ~ maybe disappointing after going with the title.
Pacing is easy to read and keeps going.
Theme doesn't really appeal to me, I have to say, I probably wouldn't save to read again.
Beginning is good ~ it starts at the beginning.
Ending is good ~ it ends at the end.

Stanza 2, L1 I would have dropped 'that's' or traded this word for 'it's.
Stanza 3 I wouldn't have used 'racing' twice (eg. racing and hiding)

I don't think it needs much editing to say what you want to say here.
May not have attracted critique as everone thinks it's ok as it is.

Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan

interesting enough although a bit confusing to me I have seen better writes come from your pen

Let your mercy spill on all those
burning hearts in hell( L.Cohen)

This is a totally random reaction, but hopefully it will bring you a giggle. This poem reminds me of the viral video that was going around the Internet not too long ago (a few months, maybe? school makes time a blur for me) of a huge rat carrying a whole slice of New York style pizza away down the stairs to the subway. A Google search of "pizza rat" brings it up immediately. It's not super funny or anything (unlike viral videos tend to be), but its oddly intriguing. And then the poor thing leaves the pizza (I guess because of the people nearby?). It was working so hard for that delicious slice and then went home with nothing. Maybe that's a good metaphor for some of the themes in this poem, "Hustling and posturing/For approval" especially.

A suggestion that hasn't been made yet:

"A country dog’s/ Lying on the floor:" --> I think the line break makes me think you're using "dog's" as a possessive so I'm expecting an object on the next line, but I get a verb and it's jarring. I'm sure you intend it as "a country dog is", so you may want to try writing it out that way.


Critique, don't comment.
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...but whimsical. Edna likes whimsy - a lot.

Poet(ess) to the Stars

I really like this I like the janus life style idea I wonder if you need the last two lines trust your reader to make their own conclusion, But like the repetition the alliteration and the enjambment. I would tidy the straggly longer lines in the second half as this part should look neat and ordered the rat end could be choppy.

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