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Do you remember...Jolly.....Sally...... Dramatics of SnowmanCHRISTENED THEM

Jolly. and .Sally

Jolly.....
Do you remember
that evening in summer,
when on a warm afternoon
you fell off the swing
I ran across the lawn
to help you spring

Sally
Yes I do remember
then as you wiped my knee
and
picked up my skirt slightly,
I blushed as your face flushed
and
you know why
your look made me shy
you know too why
what you did see too...

Jolly...
It was a lovely encounter
you held your breath thereafter
then I held your hand to thank you,

Sally
you smiled too
pressed it so gently
through my soft palms
I could so feel a gentleman within thee

Jolly.....
Yes then you smiled too
I asked if I may kiss you
you blushed and said not yet,

then you flew away
from my pathway
waved your hand from far away
as I stood agape.

but I closed my eyes
couldn’t let you escape!

Suddenly someone pressed my lips
I felt like your lips
twas an unimaginable gesture
what made you return my dear?

You smiled and asked of me
to come once again
your house was just
across the garden lane.

I was so bewildered
and so fondly I pondered
how so suddenly
my life had changed.

I pinched myself
was I getting deranged

you smiled and held my hand once more
but for a longer moment
as I brushed off some sand
from your hair where some clang

Alarmed were both of us
how so sudden we fell ‘
in love,
well not yet but time did tell.

Sally
The next day you came home
my mom was about
we all met you

oh you were so sweet a guy
they all asked me is he, a he!

Jolly....
Yeah some gals do feel jealous too
when they see my long hair, phew
then I have to assure them
all by looking down
where all eyes fall
a guy I too was
surely after all...

Your mom took fancy to me
she was also very young you see
then she smiled and winked at me

mommy

Darling with this guy
you ought to be happy

Jolly....
she left us alone for a while

Sally
Do you remember
when dad shook your hand
and asked of you
whether you were a girl or man

you blushed, he winked
then said I love you my son

The battle was more than half won
dating then we had begun

Jolly.....Sally...and three kids----- will introduce later

The next part will be part two
of this dramatic poem
Till then all poets Neo
hold your flapping tongue

this is just part one.
The curtain!
falls on

Jolly.....Sally

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

I see you put some humor in it,. I thought this is pat 2 since its focused on more than one person!

Alid

is just a duet
Hope all know
and so include two or more
in the story you tell

must look like poetically dramatic

isn't this ? alid

author comment

Yes, it is!

Alid

doubt it. still a loooong way to go. the experts here who inspire me will be our Jayne, followed by Ian, Raj, Rula and you. SO THANK YOU.

Alid

If this is a second go at a monologue then we have too many voices speaking.
If this is your play it would have benefitted from actually separating the voices with names even if those names are nothing more than "girl" and "boy".
As for subject matter, this is much closer to what I remember you used to write. It is very accessible. Even sentimental.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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this is my dramatic ...more than two actors play
Will indicate the speakers ,
as you say and in caco display

A bit later Snow man Sir

author comment

felt there were to many voices for this to be a monologue, long and confusing

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

I had a bit of trouble separating the voices. In caco Wes has the voices separated with name of voices and comments preparing us for the next scene or voice. I relate to this bc I had to place comments in my programming. That was so it is easy for another programmer to understand what I did from beginning to end.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

That you have separated the people by title Mom ,Gal, Guy, I think Wes means that it should fall naturally not by title.
I think this is good and written as a script, using a script type of write I am not familiar with how you do that but will look into it.
Take care young Bard and well done for taking part in this workshop,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

this is as per wes' desires
and advice
let him now speak

author comment

This is "closet" drama. I could take this piece, cast it and actually perform it on stage even though it was not intended for such a purpose. It is a theatrical script which is precisely what is meant by dramatic verse. It is "theater written as poetry" as Barbara said.
This format gives the poet an opportunity to write not only stories, but conversation in an accessible manner.
The ending is cheeky, but cute.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

they say mostly for gay....(((((LOL..is Stan on line within hearing zone
my work is love between a guy and gal

I take love as an essential part of life
and want all to follow me
and I take it Wes sir
you have milked a poet
out of///or from so many neopoets here
ask sir Ian
if you want to
master dear!

but main thanks go to you
please post a certificate of merit
so that publishers give me due credit
50 :50 split..

by the way
this kind of drama I enacted
about five decades
gone down the drain

okay memory lane
thanks again

author comment

Beautiful I could now follow it and read all the way to very end. Appreciate you using my suggestion.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

then see what combined minds can do
like this one appreciated by Wess and you
thanks to both of you

author comment

I got to take a look at this one after you have yielded to Wesley's suggestion of adding names to the characters which certainly has worked well and makes the whole play coherent..

I especially liked that you have kept the coherency alive by mentioning minute detail like her brushing of some grains of sand obviously w.r.t. the fall she had from the swing....the dialogues are appealing and in sync with the situation which you have captured very nicely....keep the act going ...would be interesting to see what happens next...

Regards...

raj (sublime_ocean)

or leave it to each ones imagination raj!
well the obvious happens any way

hahahahaaa you are no kid man friend
pil

author comment

there it is
your more than one person or voice drama
nicely done

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

i am still
loved
ly was added for techy reasons only
glad you too liked it

author comment

This was a little different for me but i like it.

descendant?

has to be different
it's part of a Wes Workshop assignment
Glad you liked it too
read the soliloquy u will like that much more!

author comment

Than you, I will do that. You are a bold writer and most pleasant.

muchly hahaha

author comment

But I liked it anyway. In my opinion this would work better and draw the readers in better if you gave each character a name. Folks would rather see what happens to "John" than some "guy".........stan

will take away the ill
so be it
you like John
SO DO I

but he likes Jill
will do both kill
and name some guy
jolly and
gal sally
will that do
okay tis okay will do

author comment

I am always late. Nothing to suggest.
Thanks for posting and looking forward to the next part Loved

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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have we to compose part 11 also?
or leave it to imagination??
we all know the outcome
hahaa..
\yes we do

don't you????
this is then the beginning of part second
will it do???

author comment
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