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Digging A History.... A sonnet

I stretched, my thoughts then ran astray that day
the soul is touched with such a timeless treasure;
where olive trees with love would shade away,
and always be a real source of pleasure;
for life is running through its evergreen's,
preserving charity in rounded fruits,
enhancing magnanimity that's been
and still entwined with deep extending roots.
I heard the calls of dignified decades,
approaching, they would summon golden days.
I got a torch of love- that never fades,
but rays to light the hearts in many ways.

And yet a lot is still a mystery,
in such a tree of gleaming history

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
I know line two and four have one foot more, do they disturb the read/ rhythm?
Editing stage: 

Comments

should have 10 syllables per line, or nine when starting on a headless iamb or eleven when ending on a feminine beat. There is nothing quite like variation.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

fruit

or fruits !

Many thanks for letting see this with fresh eyes on this beautiful morning here in Jordan. Please let me know if it reads better after the editing.
Appreciate your comments. ...highly.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

Having asked you to come back to us, I'm afraid to critique this poem. My love for the sonnet form does not allow for anything less than sever, some may think harsh criticism. Good to see you again and this is by no means a bad submission.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

and many thanks for the read and the support.
I know the sonnet is a challenging form and needs a lot of practicing (which I haven't done for almost a year now . Please feel free to suggest wharever comes to your mind. I accept any criticism as long as it aims to improve the piece.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

I have parsed this for you

while DIGG | ing in | the sur | ROUND - ings | to - DAY
i WOND | ered WHAT | could MAKE | the DIFF | er - ENCE.
the OL | ive TREE | the ONE | that SHADES | a - WAY,
had AL | ways BEEN | my GRAND | pa's PREF | er - ENCE
for LIFE'S | RUNN - ing | THERE in | its E' | er GREEN | LEAVES,
pre - SERV | ing CHAR | it - Y | in ROUND | ed FRUITS.
i SAW | MAG - na | NIM - it | Y WEAV | ing EVES (Note your typo with magnanimity)
and GO | ing DEEP | with the | ex - TEND | ing ROOTS.
i HEARD | the CALLS | of the | GOLDEN - en | DEC - ades,
and FELT | the WARMTH | COM - ing | IN - to | my EYES,
i GOT | a TORCH | of LOVE | that NEV | er FADES,
but SHINES | to LIGHT | en UP | the SEV | en SKIES

and YET | a LOT | is STILL | a MYS | ter - Y,
in SUCH | a TREE | of a | GLEAM HIS | tor - Y

You will see that some meter is out, and verse 5 has 5 and a 1/2feet xxxx

Lovely visuals... clever theme
I enjoyed reading this, and will obviously enjoy it more once you have worked some on the iambic
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

to share with you Judy

and many thanks for taking the time to scan this one.
Seems like we shall never agree on giving a weak syllable a minor stress when it comes between two weak syllable, shall we?:))))
Otherwise, I'll see how to fix the meter where it is out on the other places.
Again many thanks dear for the effort. Really appreciate it. Hope to read you soon

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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author comment

While digging in the surroundings today
The emphasis goes wrong at “the”
I wondered what could make the difference.
The olive tree, the one that shades away,
had always been my grandpa's preference.
For life's running there in its e'ergreen leaves,
again, “LIFE’S” and RUNing
both demand top spot.
preserving charity in rounded fruits.
I saw magnaminity weaving eves,
and going deep with the extending roots.
I heard the calls of the golden decades,
“of the” want to take a single beat
and felt the warmth coming into my eyes,
“WARMTH” and “COMing both want emphasis
I got a torch of love- that never fades,
but shines to lighten up the seven skies.

And yet a lot is still a mystery,
in such a tree of agleam history.

While digging in surroundings of today
I wondered what could make the difference.
The olive tree, the one that shades away,
had always been my grandpa's preference.
For running there is life's evergreen leaves,
preserving charity in rounded fruits.
I saw magnanimity weaving eves,
and going deep with the extending roots.
I heard the calls of golden rich decades,
and felt the warmth come up into my eyes,
I got a torch of love- that never fades,
but shines to lighten up the seven skies.

And yet a lot is still a mystery,
in such a tree agleam in history.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Both your thoughts and Judy's are appreciated highly
I hope time will let me make a better edition of it.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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author comment

..we cut trees down....
but my Chloe loved em.climbed pines..
when i was her daddy raising her....three..
and then ATAYA age fourteen
SHE loved trees...hoisted her into one
took photos purple dress
sweetmans gardens

if the tree is sitting on history it provides shades
a young man grows old with tree.
I hoisted my young muse into that tree..took photos

yah.........im sure much is beneath it but as much is above
it........living shit goes far as value as dead shit......

Always good to hear your life experiences.
Thank you for reading sharing them

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Your newer version sorts out all criticisms and then some. This is now a poem that anyone could be proud of.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Much appreciate your help and the encouragement
Thank you.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Perfect 'till
I HEARD | the CALLS | of DIG | ni - FIED | DEC - ades
(Maybe make this a feminine line to avoid finding new rhyme....
Lol - I know you don't believe in they're being part of the 'perfect' sonnet .... but Shakespeare-the-Boss-Bard used them a lot.....
.... and I see you have used them here in verses 2 and 4.... well, you know I like them for pause effect ....so I feel no problem with the rhythm. ....
Suggestion - I heard the calls of stately, cultured decades...)

and too
app - ROA | ching, they'd | SUMM - on | up GOLD | en DAYS.
(Suggestion - approaching, summoning up golden days ...)

Great write Rula
Lol I'm still minus muses. ..
Love judy xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

again thank you dear for checking on this one and the thoughts.
I see the word "decade" to be pronounced both
DE cade OR de CADE
so I don't think I am going to change.

As for the other line, you won't believe me if I tell you this is how it was before I change just before posting.

Thank you. Hope to read you soon dear.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment
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