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The Demon's Litany
Numb, numb in the cold
Flesh is silver, blood is gold.
Greed, greed without gain
‘Twixt the two and torn in twain.
Burn, burn with the lust
Sweat is liquor, blood is rust.
Fire, fire in the veins
Bones and breath are broken banes.
Ache, ache in the strife
Peace is death and pain is life.
Cure, cure nevermore
Cleaved by cancer to the core.
Hate, hate with a rage
Torment inked upon the page.
Torn, torn by the hate
Lake of flames and it’s too late.
Numb, numb in the fire
Devil’s souls are for the hire.
Greed, greed never filled
Sold the soul and blood is spilled.
Death, death can’t pretend
Buried bones breathe “’Tis the end.”
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Seeing as everyone is posting Halloween-ish poems, I thought I'd better make my contribution.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, J. R. R. Tolkien, Shakespeare, Charlton Miner Lewis, Sir Walter Scott, Edgar Guest, Anne Killigrew
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Comments
Lavender
Sun, 2020-10-25 19:37
The Demon's Litany
Hi, Thalassa,
This is spooky good! Feels a bit too close to the dark side of human nature! I get the sense of unearthly pirates with this... Spooky! Nice!
Thank you!
L
Thalassa Brytaye
Mon, 2020-10-26 16:33
Dear Lavender,
Glad you caught the spooks in this. ;D
~
"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde
author commentThalassa Brytaye
Mon, 2020-10-26 16:34
XD Can't stop chuckling
are you going to write a poem on that image? Because it needs it so bad. Thrilled my poem made you think of that amazing picture. Still can't stop chuckling . . .
Your humor is amazing.
~
"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde
author commentGeezer
Mon, 2020-10-26 11:13
Very dark...
I am impressed with the beginning of every other line being doubled words. The poem itself being very dark, it is appropriate for the season and surely matches my mood today. [Dark and dreary, it's raining here and cold and nasty]. Curious ending though. Is there a particular meaning to it? ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Thalassa Brytaye
Mon, 2020-10-26 16:37
Ah, but did you notice
the alliteration? Most don't, but I was curious if you did in such lines as 'cleaved by cancer to the core' and 'twixt the two and torn in twain'. *shrugs*
I was actually inspired by a song which I cannot remember the title of for the two-word repetition. "Fire, fire dragon fire/(something something) ancient ire" is how it went at one point.
Oh, but it is no fun to feel cold and nasty. :(
As for the ending . . . No, not really. XD I just needed something that sounded like an exit-line and sort of a 'here's the end now' because whenever I write poetry I simply MUST have a sort of outro, or I can't sit still for two seconds. No intros and no outros bug me, so I made that as my outro.
~
"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde
author commentThalassa Brytaye
Mon, 2020-10-26 16:39
Dear Mr. Jerry
That is a pity. A tad of superstition can be so fun at times, but then it probably saves you from a lot of midnight frights and sleepless nights. ;) I tend to be less superstitious (because I never actually believe any of the mumbo-jumbo) and more plagued by an overly-active imagination. It can be thrilling. It can be a pain, but it can also be used to entertain.
In which case I will 'bring on more'! (though not today. Canto 4 is going up) :D
~
"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde
author commentThalassa Brytaye
Mon, 2020-10-26 17:56
Well, Mr. Jerry (K.?)
You seemed to be going to the woeful contemplation of lacking superstition, but I cannot conjecture further. ;)
Perhaps this lack of all superstition makes life not as thrilling as it could be?
~
"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde
author commentThalassa Brytaye
Tue, 2020-10-27 15:59
Dear Mr. Jerry
Hmmmmmmmm
I am trying to figure out if I have offended you, and am chewing my lip to ribbons hoping I did not.
It was all in the spirit of good fun, and visions are probably a good thing to avoid. XD
~
"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde
author commentThalassa Brytaye
Tue, 2020-10-27 17:13
Dear Mr. Jerry
You play cello?! That's so amazing! I 'play' three instruments: piano, penny whistle and violin (the latter I am still in the early learning stages though) and I sing.
What instrument does your wife play?
“Music is the universal language of mankind.” ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.
~
"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde
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