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Demons

Submitted by zjeakin on Sat, 2015-08-08 16:39

Heart has hardened
Soul is black
Devil says he's got my back

Venturing out
Sadistic world unknown
It's time my demons be known

The fight is on
Can't turn back
Damage I've done threw me off track

Men dead
Shead a tear
Demons say to persevere

Hateful heart
Demented mind
Thank go so few of my kind

Zachary J. Eakin 8-7-2015

Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

Sparrow

Sat, 2015-08-08 18:22

Sparrow's picture
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Welcome back, It is good to see members from a few years ago returning and writing so well, please ask if there are any problems,
Look forward to your next write, Yours Ian.T

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

weirdelf

Wed, 2015-08-12 04:14

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one of my favourite words- accountability.

As a poetic critique the piece feels through the short lines to lack gravitas.

Then again the short lines add punch.

cheers,
Jess
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