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Demoneyes Me

eye?
eye you say?
oh eye oh eye?

eye have moved forward
only eye can perceive
your eyes flicker toward
sight with eyes all on
he

eye have taken your eyes
where they belong to
me!

and eye am what they,
your eyes,
yearn to see!

oh eye am in your eyes
you see
as one who lies
and flies with misery

and eye let your eyes
lie with my lies
and eye forget
how shy
how wry
your
eyes can
be
when
eye…….
when
eye….

oh…
when eye

eye! eye! eye!

when
eye be
hellion bones
given by
genetic guides
and the gift of shown

given the gift
of angel eyes in
disguise.

disguise all you like,
all eye like.

eye disguise eye
all eye like
and all you like is
all eye disguise
as you
by the side of eye

yet allow my ego
to actualize
that eye fly by
the scope of
your factual eyes.

let it be no surprise
that eye feel
you need candy
for your eyes,
and
many more a
disguise that lead to
eventuals of eye
and your despises with eye.

eye feel eye
am here
to hear
and heal
with rage
and lack of
appeal
and have
and have
and reveal
a hack sage.

and be that
demon that eye am
the demon
that must have
and have
and own
and own
the demon of eye on
my earthen throne!
eye use the gift
the gift eye was shown.
the gift all my own.
the gift of lies, disguise, and poem
that
eye own
eye own
eye own.

Editing stage: 

Comments

(A fanciful poetic image, especially an elaborate or exaggerated comparison.)

Though perhaps you carried it a bit too far.

My suggestion would be to edit the poem severely, make it much shorter and the 'eye' conceit would work better

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

You read it to the end. So why would I shorten it? The whole point was to trap one person with the poem at the very least... And you have made it a success. The YouTube generations low attention span is conquer able...
It simply needs to be tickled a bit

author comment

I forced myself to read it to the end waiting for something redeeming. I critique professionally so often read right through poems that are not worth it.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

I will re-write this one soon.

_Danny

author comment
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