i find it interesting that you used ten words in the first line then nine in the rest of the lines, and yet some of the stress points differed at different points. i notice that on some the stress was in the first word on others the second word. I am still a little confused with this, are there peramaters we must stick too. or can we stress at different points depending on the jest of the poem. (I am talking about first words) I am under the asssumtion that it is not the first word. i am just going by the examples given by Jess. HELP!!

Eddie
...

i find it interesting that you used ten words in the first line then nine in the rest of the lines, and yet some of the stress points differed at different points. i notice that on some the stress was in the first word on others the second word. I am still a little confused with this, are there peramaters we must stick too. or can we stress at different points depending on the jest of the poem. (I am talking about first words) I am under the asssumtion that it is not the first word. i am just going by the examples given by Jess. HELP!!

Eddie
...

This piece is quite frightening! (because I realize it is written from personal experience!) I don't feel that I have the knowledge to comment on the meter. But I wanted you to know that I am here reading. I could identify with the content of this shocking piece, especially:

And laying on wet carpet floor still caught
within the shudder Of electric burn
means wondering if life and limb are still
connected, or if what still twitches can
be the certainty of life's quick escape
before the mind can grasp what happened in
the shower on a Tuesday afternoon.

always, Cat

quite a powerful piece you have there. as far as i can tell the rythym is constant throughout. nice job.
always,
mag

I have two thoughts here. First, I'm pleasantly surprised you pronounced "hour" as a diphthong (one syllable and not two). I believe that is how it would be pronounced in my dialect (Southern Californian, which means I don't have a dialect).
However, line 5 second stanza requires I stress the second syllable of "certainty" which I feel is wrong. Otherwise, the rest of the poem is iambic pentameter. I think you should have dared trochee or anapest Jim.
wesley

Since you're about five light years off (which would make you Centauri Prime or Alpha Centauri) I don't know what your dialect is. I'm assuming English would be a second language, but Centaurians still would have their own unique accent (get it? accent? poetic accent? never mind).
I believe you are correct in assuming the strong accent on "be" throws the line out of whack. I have never heard "certainty" pronounced any other way but with an accent on the first syllable however, I have heard Brits pronounce things so different from my experience in the past that I hesitate to be positive.
wesley

I realy enjoy this piece. It's very descriptive, I imagined myself there. My only gripe, and it's a small one, is the lack of punctuation. I know, I know, each to there own as far as poetry goes, i just want to breath:)

@ Jess: would you mind pointing out these pesky Anapests for us?

Cheers, for a great poem there Jim
peace, another Jimbo

better late than never. I'm a strange guy in which I have a mixed accent. Although predominately southern I still have a bit of lingering southern California from being there during early childhood. Thus hour, orange and a few others come out as 1 syllable instead of 2 which is how most southerners would pronounce them. So single syllable with hour(our) instead of (owah) sounds fine to me. As to certainly, I often have said and heard it spoken with different syllables accented according to level of emotion expressed. This is the type thing that makes parsing so inexact and subjective. But this reads as iambic to me even with the strong consonant in Be.........stan

I read the title and knew straight away what it was about, it makes it all the more frightening, you came that close

<<<<<hugs>>>>>

its a great poem it made my gut clench

with love JC xxxx