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Defeated
Brace yourself, it all comes down to tonight
It's time to see who came here for the toughest fight
I showed up today expecting the victory
And I'm not leaving this place until I make history
I didn't come here expecting things to be easy
Yeah I knew it wouldn't be a day on the beach when it's breezy
Get your guard up, the battle's about to get heated
Because I didn't come this far to get Defeated
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What did you think of my title?
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Comments
Rula
Fri, 2022-12-23 14:45
Hello SB
Bravo! A well said and excuted piece. Full of bravery.
Reading your profile, I found you're after help to grow up with your poetry, so I assume you won't mind my tiny suggestions which are just thoughts, take or leave.
S. 1 L.1 I would drop (to) it all comes down to tonight
S. 1 L 3 I would replace (the) victory with (a) victory
S. 2 L 4 I think you don't need to capitalize the D in defeated
As I said these are just thought . Wait and see what others might say
A very competitive entry amongest the others, so I expect the judges to have some difficult times :)
Best wishes.
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Shelby Pryor
Wed, 2023-01-04 22:46
Rula
Thank you so much for your words of advice! I'll bring those suggestions into consideration on future poems. Thank you!
author commentGeezer
Fri, 2022-12-23 18:18
Nice stuff...
I feel that you must have a rapper background, because I slid into that mode of rhythm very easily. Great message too!
I agree with Rula, although I can understand the reasoning for capitalizing defeated; it being the title word and the main focus,
[not being defeated]. I'm okay with that. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Shelby Pryor
Wed, 2023-01-04 22:47
Geezer
Thank you so much for the advice, I truly appreciate the kind words
author commentCandlewitch
Mon, 2022-12-26 06:50
hello,
if I may add my two cents worth, in this line: "Because I didn't come this far to get Defeated" i would change (get) to (be) Defeated. I think (be) is the stronger word. I very much like your poem, it calls for respect!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Shelby Pryor
Wed, 2023-01-04 22:48
Candlewitch
I see your point, be is a much stronger word! Thank you so much for the suggestions!
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