Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Deep pt I

Life secretly offering fleeting moments of happiness…
but the underlying sadness creeps through; the grief of human condition always seeps through from the unconscious
. I always imagined it as the watery liquid separating from the unctuous and the solid matter of the brain as a pervading force that relentlessly pursued my happiness.
I am reminded often that this life offers no protracted security of contentment only taunting bits of joy
. Is that what we must satisfy ourselves with then?
We are to be grateful solely for the passing seconds of joy.
deep in the forest, a shot rang out at least I thought it did or someone wanted me to go to line one
In this life we are offered only an empire of dirt and the subconscious encumbered with the knowledge that we are merely destined become part of that empire

Dig Ever deeper then ever before to a vast explosion in the mind
a surreal look at life through the lens of a thought provoking premise
lines of discord pertrude through the common lens of brevity
This is no illusion, Time is never still. If you were blind before,
What hope can the future bring now?
In this time of loneliness, There is nothing but segregation.
Nothing more than the existentialist, What hope can the future bring now?
Now that we stand guarded, What will the new dawn hold?
If eyes can pierce a beating heart, What hope can the future bring now?
In this time of bitterness, Of exceptional cruelty and hate.
Could not the wise ones say, What hope can the future bring now?
For scholar and learned man alike, Can spout truths, facts and figures. But amidst the pomp and spluttering,
What hope can the future bring now?
Rise then and be heard wistful, No one has our stance and holding.
We are comfort in a sick world, We are today, tomorrows little dream

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

and good for you for taking risks. I am reminded of the Ashbery group who experimented with this approach- especially Kenneth Koch, Shapiro, Frank O'hara...
You have a good logic running in the monologue. Some very good lines( "pomp and spluttering"). I would be hesitant to add Existentialism without some explanation in poetic terms what that means, as it means many things to different people.
This is not the preferred style I usually pick up to read, but it is clearly liberating and glad you posted.

Sorry to hear about Ashbery, a great man of letters whose poetry has alluded me. Maybe one day...

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

train of thought poem. Maybe not the technical term for it, but it will do. My favorite line?
"We are comfort in a sick world, we are today, tomorrow's little dream". You seem to be finding your way. ~ Geezer.
.

The addition of a premium-membership can:
Help you navigate the site easier, change and create the look of your profile-page!
Just see what you can do! Add a bit of flavor to your profile and kick it up a notch!

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.