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Dear life

Dear life,
I hope you are filled with happiness,
The colours of hope and wonderful dreams,
An adventure that I can share with my loved ones,
An inspiration to others who are still finding their way,
So that when the inevitable end comes,
When this world is no longer a stage for my story,
I can say that it has been a journey I will never regret.

Dear life,
When that day comes and I embrace my mortality,
I can say that it has been a journey I will never regret.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

and a warm welcome to the Neopoet.
A lovely uplifting post indeed. I like the way you kept speaking to life as if someone so intimate to you, no fears or disappointments but hopes and good expectations.
I am so happy that I have this almost the first thing to read this morning, and though it reads a bit like prose, I still like it.
Looking for more. Keep them coming

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

Thank you for the lovely feedback. The truth is, I write in Malay more than in English but I am trying to change to form a balance. You can be sure to expect more from me cos writing poetry has always been my interest for awhile now.

author comment

Firstly welcome to Neopoet, where I hope that walking with us will make your lifes journey a more fruitful one.
Here you will find many ways of learning the craft of poetry.
This piece is of a life that we could all long for, yet we are here to learn as with the poetry site.
Our journey's touch then move away and in doing so we learn of many things, that a physical body can do, I hope that you bring many more from Singapore, there are a few countries that we still need and a group from your country will enhance our learning.
You take care out there, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Firstly, thanks for welcoming me here and for the encouraging words. I'll see what i can do about forming a group from here. I'll try to invite some friends, see if they are still interested.I know that we could learn from one another if we really want to. in the meantime, I'll post some of my works whenever I can.Thanks.
You take care too,yeah.

God bless,
alid

Hope is for those who believes in dreams and spins them into the fabric of reality.

author comment

but for the last line.
That reads a bit like a Hallmark card. Perhaps you could find something with more punch?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Gratitude for Life nicely scripted in these short verses by personifying life

raj (sublime_ocean)

Dear life,
I hope you are filled with happiness,
the colours of hope and wonderful dreams,
an adventure that I can share with my loved ones,
an inspiration to others who are still finding their way,
so that when the inevitable end comes,
when this world is no longer a stage for your story,
I can say that it has been a journey,
I will never regret.
Dear life,
when that day comes and I embrace my mortality,
I hope it will be a peaceful end and that others will remember me as a dear friend...

Friend my computer dictates:
avoid all first letters as caps,
as it is a compy’s requirement not poetry’s
second, try and use lesser of I’s
thirdly,
well prosaic or poetic
all poetry is emotion
in motion

Pardon the liberty so taken

best luck with all of us

loved

Thank you for the feedback. I will try to improve on it.

alid

author comment

This was your first here on Neopoet, now you can see the changes you have made in your work by just being here.
This one can be now edited as one from your today pen..

So that when the inevitable end comes,
When this world is no longer a stage for your story,
( should this not read MY story to fit the first person writing)
I can say that it has been a journey I will never regret.

and as Jess says the end line can be made into something less than a greeting card.
See we take note and sometimes delve into the past to find out how we are progressing.
Take care and know that you are with us, Yours Ian.T
PS:- I think we should go back to all our poets first here and just see how we have improved over the time..

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thanks for the suggestions.

Alid

author comment
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