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The Dear Deer... [Rhyme Pattern Workshop]

As I sit upon the ground
I watch the fog in field
Not much to see, as I look around
Until the mist begins to yield

Now, I see a herd of hooves
A dozen heads and nibbling lips
I'm very careful not to move
Though there's a pain in my hip

Heads with twitching, swivel ears
Dip to pull the grass
Then back up to disappear
In the fog that dewdrops cast

The sun begins to heat the earth
The grey does slowly fade
My patience is rewarded...worth
The effort that I've made

Now, the deer are staring hard
They're nervous, stamping in the sward
What is that there, in their yard?
It's only me... the silent bard

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

but managed to find a couple for you. Makes it seven now.
~ Geez.
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author comment

I missed that! Fixed it.
~ Geez.
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author comment

Glad that you liked it. It was a true experience. I waited until they were all looking directly at me [ they had trouble seeing me]
and then I moved and they raised their little white flags and stampeded away! Funny, how they have trouble seeing anything that doesn't move! ~ Geez.
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My chatroom is taking a break
if you have ideas about times that
are convenient and subjects
to talk about, contact me and we can discuss it
Thank you for your participation.
.

author comment

once up a huge oak tree about 30' off the ground. About daylight the fog rolled in and I could hear the deer walking around under me eating acorns and blatting at one another. After a while they moved off without my ever seeing them.A very accurate poem

Loved verses 3 & 4. Really pretty stuff there - the tear-starting kind. Nicely done.

-..- -..- -..- -..- -..- -..-
Xtremely busy Xponentially becoming Xcellently at Xactly _____

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