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DAY'S LAST THOUGHTS

Submitted by scribbler on Wed, 2015-03-04 13:12

I slowly close my eyes and stare
at the backside of just one eye lid
searching for what might be there
hidden deep within my Id.

But that part of me will not be seen;
who knows, it might be best that way,
better that I never glean
that darkness hidden past the gray.

So I sigh, start thinking quantumly.
Is reality there just if it's seen?
Seen by who? By you, by me?
Do we each perceive our private screen?

With a wink I check, the world's still there,
then close my weary eyes once more
and drift to a familiar place elsewhere
whose door cracks open with my snore.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

raj

Wed, 2015-03-04 13:21

a nice mix of serious and humorous thought you have strung together in this one.

I liked the theme of one thinking in solitude in the silence of the night except the tick tock of the clock.

In fact in my maiden attempt at Pastoral which didn't catch much attention which is why I unpublished it yesterday, one of the stanzas had a similar thought...

it is always a good experience to read your poems which have an element of innovation...I liked this one too...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

scribbler

Wed, 2015-03-04 17:04

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After so much pastoral and way too much on sonnets I had to purge myself with something which is likely neither lol. Glad you liked it and thanks for dropping by......stan

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Sparrow

Wed, 2015-03-04 19:01

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A usual fun write, and made me smile I need this medicine each day, lest I fall foul of Winters grip.
What's this I hear each morning clear.
It's the morning chorus to grace my ear.
Between Feb and June each year.
Spring is Nye this Sparrow must fly.
To Spain for a few days to gain plumage fine,
I shall return on a bad day in March
Friday the 13th I shall return.
As the skies will be empty
From those that know
Fuel we will burn,
No fear of the Ides.
Have a great day out there,
Yours, Sparrow..

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Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

scribbler

Wed, 2015-03-04 23:33

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But don't talk too badly of March for there is at least one poet here who was found under a rock on a March day........stan

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Sparrow

Thu, 2015-03-05 11:49

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Thanks, there's a sparrow that was found also in march so many years ago, during a great war..
Mine is the 26th of march 1942 seems just like yesterday lol,
Talk to you on my return am off to roost now, Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

scribbler

Thu, 2015-03-05 13:46

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is March 11, 1954........but that is only hearsay as I don't really recall the event lol

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judyanne

Fri, 2015-03-06 07:55

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is obviously an awesome month
I hear tell, on very good authority, that I was born on the 10th March, 1951

xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

scribbler

Fri, 2015-03-06 11:13

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Now I'll have to start calling you ma'm and being respectful due to your being so much older lol

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judyanne

Fri, 2015-03-06 11:27

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I told you lol
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Sparrow

Fri, 2015-03-06 18:53

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A mere child of the Earth is our Judy,
Take care both, age is just a number.
It is given to those that fear themselves.
Love to you both and those that walk with you,
Yours Ian. x

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

scribbler

Fri, 2015-03-06 22:44

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might be just a number but after a while the weight of all those numbers become noticeable. (Plus it's fun teasing Judy for being almost THREE whole years older than me)

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judyanne

Fri, 2015-03-06 22:51

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'cos i'm older than you Stan, that's all there is to say about that

anyway, i have been told on the best authority (mine) that i look at least three whole years younger than you
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

scribbler

Fri, 2015-03-06 23:01

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But if one goes by looks alone , I look like I'm older than dirt but still look better than most 10 year old corpses lol. One reason I have no picture posted is I don't want to scare off young people and dry up everybody's muse lol.
And don't worry about bossing me around. Susan's been doing that for years and she's actually 4 months younger that I am.......ma'm

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Sparrow

Sat, 2015-03-07 03:59

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Age

Another excuse for being dumb
Great for being treated, especially a mum
Everyone will enjoy this position one day.

I wish
I wish more people would have their say,

Where have all our poets gone, long time passing.
It is not hard to say a little piece about a poem
Surely they would want to be treated the same
Hope is a negative thing, I told you so!

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

judyanne

Thu, 2015-03-05 21:57

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Love it
Good smooth rhythm and rhyme, and a fun read
Love the final verse
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

scribbler

Fri, 2015-03-06 11:16

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I am pleased you enjoyed this quick scribble and shocked that the meter is at least OK.
sincerely.
stan

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judyanne

Fri, 2015-03-06 11:29

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are paying off
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

scribbler

Fri, 2015-03-06 14:11

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beating one's head against his/her weaknesses it's hoped that one gets better. But I doubt I'll ever be any good at sonnets lol

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emeka ozurumba

Fri, 2015-03-06 05:22

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very lovely flow of rhythm

scribbler

Fri, 2015-03-06 11:17

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Thanks. It's always good to see you've dropped by.........stan

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wesley snow

Sun, 2015-03-08 16:36

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Just dropping by.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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scribbler

Sun, 2015-03-08 17:55

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I appreciate your dropping by......stan

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