Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Daydreams (February contest)

Daydreams

We stripped in the rain,
ensnared by Spring’s glow,
eager for a primal kiss.

Moist embraces,
cloudbursts full of pauses,
strum of robust reeds
swaying over pastures.

Cherry blossoms and songbirds
revealed youth’s clumsiness.
Earth’s allure enhanced
our awkward nudity.

As snowdrops triumph
over winter’s reign,
lust sprouted, fumbling,
from our virgin bodies.

In my daydreams, I long for
our irretrievable Spring.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Gracy,
what a surprise! Let me be the first to welcome you to Neopoet, and at the same time congratulate you on your well-written poem in which you not only celebrate spring but first love (always a worthy subject to dwell on).
I know you as an accomplished writer and therefore I shan't scrutinize your work with a magnifying glass, but simply cherish your presence here on this site. Again, welcome to Neopoet. Jerry.

>
>
>Please visit my website: www.jerrykspoetry.com

Thank you, Jerry, for the warm welcome. You recommended Neo Poet to me. Glad you like my poem, although it's very simple. I haven´t posted much yet. All the best to you and your family.

*
*
*
"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment

Good to see you here at Neopoet. I think your poem is excellent.
The title describes the piece well although there are many poems around with this title.
The language used is very good and I like it a lot. You use well chosen, sensitive words.
As Jerry says, always a worthy subject. This type of warm poem appeals to me.
The poem begins at a good place ~ The reader knows straight away what is going on and when.
It ends as a memory, I think, so yes! very good ending.

I hope you receive plenty comments on this Gracy. It is an enjoyable read and it will be good if others tell you what they think.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

As has been said; the title is often used, but it seems apt and a good one for this poem.
I am stunned by the beauty of the scene and your words to describe it. My one and only criticism is that I would have used the word raindrops, instead of snowdrops! The poem began as a warm Spring day, led to a wonderous tryst and ended in a remembrance of days and Spring gone by. In order to post for the contest, please put February contest next to the title and if you can find it, there is a drop down menu below, where you choose how to post it; you can find the February contest there too! I know that it is a lot of work to post a poem, but it is helpful to those judging and sorting them out. Thank you for a beautiful poem. ~ Geezer.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

Thank you, Geezer. I mean the flower, snowdrops, but perhaps it's confusing. They are probably the first to appear out of the snow. I'll try to post this poem for the contest. At least I'll put February alongside it, if I can't do it myself. All the best, it's great being here.

*
*
*
"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment

Your use of the word 'snowdrops' refers to the flower Gracy. Yes?

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

Yes, I mean the flower snowdrops, Alan, you're right. Thanks a lot.

*
*
*
"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment

Thank you, Alan. I'm thinking about a new title. You're right. I'´m glad you enjoy my poem. I'll probably do some tweaking. All the best.

*
*
*
"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment

You just need to re-edit and click the drop down box 'contest' (after the 'last few words' box). Find February contest and save.
Your revision will say FEBRUARY CONTEST at the end of your poem in blue letters.

The very best of luck in the contest, your piece is great.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

.....lust sprouted, fumbling,
from our virgin bodies.......

this is my language of and for the modern generation

Let's enjoy early Spring
this time nature does bring
and
reading your virgin poem
all neos spring

Thank you, lovedly, for your words. I'm getting to know my fellow poets gradually, forgive me if I get confused sometimes. I can't seem to post directly into the February contest, but I've changed the title and put February alongside.

*
*
*
"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment

What can I say but wow, a beautiful read Gracy. I love your theme for spring. It is a season to blossom in, and first loves are the ultimate bloomage I feel. The bar is raised

All the best
LG

Thank you, LittleGift. So glad you like it, I may still tweak it a bit. Now I'll read some other poems.

*
*
*
"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.