Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.


I read our chats,
When the juvenile sun bloomed from the eastern creek.
Smiled heartily,
To be probed by the hands of sour reality.
Just like perennial crops we wilted too early
And shed our green youthful leafs.

Love lost to lust,
Consistent craven cravings, cradled carefree love
That cost trust rust,
Our future in the flames of burning nostalgia.
Why does fickle life look so perfect on pictures?
Love stand tip-toes on youthful lips.

We daydreaming,
Eloping pictures painted on wasted canvas.
Ugly romance,
Our joys dropped out like a miscarried pregnancy.
Love is a child's clothing and we grew out of it
Instead losing the seams, like dead trees we cast leafs.

We had it all,
But lost it to distrust and haunting yesterday.
Now you hate me
With so much spite to think you kissed this wounded lips.
Yet I look at the scurry slates that tile the sky
In tears, a daydreamer wakes.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 


You have some real winning lines here and I think that you are a veteran of love. Nice easy reading and I understand where this comes from and where it went. A line that I particularly like is: "Love is a child's clothing and we grew out of it." A few minor crits.
1] we cast leaves
2] loosening the seams
3] these wounded lips
You are improving steadily and I am sure that you will be much read in the future. ~ Geezer.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

I am grateful for this comment. I will work on the recommendations.


author comment
(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.