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Daughter

Submitted by Race_9togo on Tue, 2010-11-09 09:55

Full of dreams
becoming real,
her life reveals itself
in tiny gleaming wonders
sparkling jewel-like
from our talks,

for when doubt rises
from painful awareness
of adulthood new-acquired
I am whom she seeks
to find the answers
that she thinks
she needs,

and when she talks
I listen,
astonished at this woman
my child has become,
grateful she still asks
questions she already
has answers for,
and proud she still asks me.

There's a moment in my life
when her childhood
became her womanhood,
when pony-tails and boys
became college and work
and relationships, when
my arms stopped being
the place she felt safest in,

yet sadness nor regret can
cloud my memory of that change,
for when it happened
I was there,
my lessons and advice,
my care
all part of who she was and is
and what she will become.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Comments

Race_9togo

Tue, 2010-11-09 17:23

Race_9togo's picture
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for your kind comment.
It is a poem for a stunning, smart and strong young woman, I agree.
Of course, I am hideously BIASED heehee.
Thanks again.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Hooded Stranger

Tue, 2010-11-09 14:20

Hooded Stranger's picture

Jim,

I have read this through five times and am yet to find fault with it. I am unable to add anything else either...it fits perfectly to me...

...and you have captured a moment there...where the one word that shouts out at me is 'Pride'.

A masterpiece in my opinion...although it lacks a chorus!! Lol!

HS

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Race_9togo

Tue, 2010-11-09 17:26

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No chorus: you are prodding me towards songwriting, are you? Heehee I would not know where to begin.
Thank you for reading and enjoying though - yes, it is pride, and love :)

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

loved

Tue, 2010-11-09 20:22

loved's picture

golden jewels

they alone come to ones help

when tsunami strikes

others say

twas best they went to hell

so from a son
more love a daughter
could sell

loved

Race_9togo

Tue, 2010-11-09 20:34

Race_9togo's picture
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Yes, I know
but cannot make
that choice of worth
between my sons
and only daughter
and yet
each son
was from
a daughter born
and so
which is
more precious
to us all?
I cannot make that choice.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Race_9togo

Thu, 2010-11-11 00:01

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For mine, my wife says constantly how happy she is that our daughter has avoided all the pitfalls of her mother's younger years.

Perfection, lol...WHO'S poem were you reading, again?

Thank you Jayne...but lie down, for gods' sakes, before the next comment I get is from that nurse!

Get well, and get well soon,

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Race_9togo

Thu, 2010-11-11 15:47

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She is 17 and no boyfriend yet? A parent's fondest wish! heehee.
And yes, lol...three older brothers would help immensely on that score.
I am glad that you enjoyed this so much, but now you've done it, I won't leave it alone until you write one yourself, lol.

Rest, relax, read and get well, Jayne.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

magics02

Thu, 2010-11-11 17:43

I am in awe at your recent postings as I see you have perfected in a great many areas. I so liked this one from a father about his daughter. She is so proud of you I am sure as I am also. Very nice flow of words, content stayed focused and I really liked it.

Bravo Jim

Love Mona

Race_9togo

Thu, 2010-11-11 20:36

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I am the proud one!

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

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