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FROM DARK TO LIGHT(rhyme patterns final exercise)

Another autumn day afield
with naught to show but memories
for the cold hours still and concealed.
not one deer having been revealed
among the mix of hardwood trees;
at least I need not drag a deer.

Legs are stiff from being still
(not to mention two fake knees
unfit to jump even a small rill)
so I slowly ascend this one last hill
in the evening's slight cold breeze
as stars one by one appear.

I reach my truck with rising moon
put unfired rifle in its case
then pause to listen to a loon
singing out its haunting tune
from the lake on down the trace.
It stop, I load my other gear.

Then in my truck, turn on the key
listen as old engine comes awake.
Truck's old which makes it much like me.
We both chug along (often haltingly)
I put it in gear, let off the break
then reluctantly get out of here.

Down the road radio on
an oldies station I like to hear.
For the first time since dawn
I'm warming up with each breath drawn
but alone so music's all I hear;
alone ,just music, dark, no deer.

I shift around to ease my aching back
and thoughts of friends now gone away...
I'm assailed by an attack
of thoughts which turn my mood to black
as vanished sun declares the end of day.
Is my Final journey drawing near?

There are no lights on this roadside.
I've no company save the tires' hum.
I'm filled with sorrows I can't hide
and darkness which won't be denied.
I am bereft, alone and numb.
I wipe away an errant tear.

At last comes the sight of home
and I slow to turn down the driveway.
Home's windows shine like light of day
through which i spy my wife, my bride
and all the dark thoughts fall away
replaced by the love which dwells here.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Well, no masterpiece but at leasts it's long lol
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content


After a cold morning in the deerstand. Cheery lights, warm folks awaiting, hot coffee... “coming home again” is such a larger theme as well.

Really enjoyed the opening with the unsuccessful hunt. Had my share of those myself.

Thank you for posting this here.

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That's why they call it deer hunting lol. i'm pleased you enjoyed this

author comment

that you have read this one before as it was written over the past couple of days. But it Might have some similarities to some parts of other things I've scratched out.Of course you might have travelled to the future and read it lol

author comment

I've used that more than once to help set a mood

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I lived in some good sized cities as a child (Memphis and San Diego so when We finally settled in rural South Carolina The taste of country life came to me and with it the appreciation for the little things that make nature work. And you are correct. I had to totally rework a couple of stanzas in order to maintain message and rhyme

author comment

of hunting, until now. I once came across one of those little huts and all I could think was "Oh, my knees!" You make it sound like a spiritual journey. Those final stanzas teared me up a little.

it Can be a spiritual thing. The kill is not the main thing. The main thing is outwitting the animal on its own grounds when its senses are far stronger than your own. Over time I find myself watching much more than shooting. I have seen things seldom seen by most people while sitting still in the woods. I once watched a bob cat teaching its 2 young how to hunt deer. The deer Knew the cats were there but didn't spook.I once saw a squirrel misjudge a jump, fall at least50 feet to a packed sand bar. I thought it was dead but a few minutes later it came to, shook its head and looked up at the limb it had missed. It left out never to return lol.I've had both owls and hawks dive at me in the evening having mistaken some small movement I made for a squirrel.

author comment

hunter and his prey have a kind of bond. Although the purpose of the hunt is to kill the prey there is still a certain regret for taking a life which can't be returned to nature

author comment
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