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The dark

The dark strikes fear into the hearts of naive children,
Yet to lovers it brings them passion,
and moments of pleasure.
To the sick it gives hours of light relief,
from the agonising pains suffered by day,
but to the troubled soul,
countless questions and thoughts flood his mind,
disturbing much needed rest.

Night time brings lonliness to the single women,
but to husband and wife it reveals their love,
and contentment with each other,
displayed by loving embrace.

To the author or poet the night inspires visions of either horror or passion,
to be remembered and recorded ,
so that others might share their intimate thoughts
and feelings,
But to the eccentric teenager it brings boredom and depression,
not being able to laugh out loud,
for fear of waking everyone.

The dark closes some people up so much,
that they feel unsure and unsafe,
to others it opens them up,
making them able to show their true sensual emotion.

The dark brings some people closer together ,
yet makes others realise how much they love someone,
and realise how far they are apart .
The dark brings different things to different people,
in different circumstances,
and makes them react in different ways.
But one thing thing is for certain,
the night brings silence and peace to a world,
as it rests and dreams of a better place.
without war, starvation discrimination and death.
A place where people can forfill their desires without
thinking of consquences or realism .

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I liked how you have covered how darkness/night affects different individuals. If you put in some extra effort, for example by avoiding repetition of "the dark brings" it would lift your poem a lot....that's my opinion...

keep writing...
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raj (sublime_ocean)

Thankyou very much x

author comment

Your write is again very good, though it is as a story.
The darkness dwells within, and lines as this, will make it into a poem, just ask some one like Weirdelf to assist in setting out a structure for you to assemble your words, then like the rollers of the Ocean they will become a force to be reckoned with..
Take care and just ask,
Yours as always, Ian.T xx

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Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Thankyou very much xxx

author comment

I feel that the concluding stanza captures the essence of your poem and by itself can be a stand alone poem. I am yet to see you comment on poems of other members of this community ...follow the work ethic of this workshops site...
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raj (sublime_ocean)

Thankyou for your comment! I really appreciate it xxx

author comment
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