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DANTI (March Contest)

Should I dare call you Love Danti;
The cliché every poet can't avoid?
Should I try recount the pictures
When I held your rugged cold hands
And stared into those crimson eyes
Clouded with tears ready to drop
Like the horizon of April
In this rain forest men call life?

How you would stare at the mirror
Trying hard to wear a good smile
Like you wear makeup to make up
For all the wrongs they did to you.
All the cooked lies and deceits served,
Even a chef became the spice
In the pot of soup of sly men
But how could you have been so strong?

Should I dare call you rock Danti
Or paint stolen virginity?
Should I splash colors on the wall
To depict a broken childhood
Or should I speak of a girl child
Robbed of fair opportunity
Suffering the stern ignorance
Of an older dispensation?

The real loneliness in the crowd
Should I also speak of it Danti?
Of the gaseous people that failed
To fill the void that bore a hole,
Should I just kiss your trembling lips
And warm your cold heart with embrace,
Will you believe me if I try
To feed your hunger honesty?

Should we talk of brave cowardice?
Should I just fill the empty night
And then run in the light of day
Or defile the lingering curse
And draw against the world with you
At dawn when the sun comes calling?
Will you retreat like a wounded soldier
Or pluck blessings from your curses Danti?

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Contest: 

Comments

I have only seen crimson eyes one time; and the man was so stoned, that he was like a zombie!
I think that if you want to give the impression of red eyes, I would say "burning" eyes. Up to you of course. Try: "in the pot of sly men's soup" instead. As for the title; I can't fault it, I imagine that it is the name of a lover or friend. ~ Geezer.
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