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Dancing Fool...

Under a glitter splashed night-time sky
We sway and strut our stuff
There is no world around us
We two and that's enough

The rhythm of the music slow
The rustle of your dress
I in slacks and whitest shirt
We both looked our best

The band played a Latin beat
We danced on through the night
I never wanted to stop
My heart held you so tight

Tick tick tock tick tick...
Tick tick tock tick tick...

We stepped and swirled the dances
Your lips not far from mine
I was thinking of the after
We were drinking too much wine

The dawn was slowly breaking
I heard it crashing in
We couldn't go on forever
I never thought about our sin

Now, there is no time
We've danced the night away
But, we'll always have this memory
For some sad and lonely day

Tick tick tock tick tick...
Tick tick tock tick tick...

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

What a lovely picture you paint
Darling, I think it's night time or
night-time just a typo i just watched Saturday night fever the other day, it's good to dance. I love the way your rhyming plays music in this. Imagery is clear. Move over Jennifer Lopez.

Memories are all important and especially on a night like this. I like your title it works of course.

If this was mine I may have put something like
Tango in the Night.

Thank you...Teddy

Actually, you gave me an alternate title;how does Tangled In The Night sound? Thanks for catching that typo, I missed it during the preview. I don't recall where I got the idea from, but it gnawed at me, until I did something about it. I guess this one will do it for a while, in the romance department. I feel the need to be funny and do something off- beat. ~ Geez.
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author comment

I think tangled in the night is perfect, yes, always a pleasure Sir. Seems you have your dancing shoes on in any case.

Thank you...Teddy

liked the sights and sounds the verses created with choice of words...

enjoyed the read...

raj (sublime_ocean)

to create the mood. I am glad that I succeeded. Thank you. ~ Geez.
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author comment

the meaning of the title takes on a new meaning as the flow and grace of the poem comes together, ending on a somber note. very well done!

*hugs, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

I tried to choose the right words and rhythm to create the mood. I listened to a lot of Latin-type music for the right pattern to emerge. I don't remember the name of the dance now, but once I heard the beat; I couldn't get it out of my head and although I listened to more after that, it was the one I went back to. It just kept ticking in my mind. Thank you for your kind words. ~ Gee.
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Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
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author comment

Dear Geez. I love the movement and imagery in your poem. I think the title is fine, but others have given suggestions that may be better. Yes, we have those romantic memories to cheer us up during these shutdown months.
The content is clear and so is the rhythm and pace. No nits, only admiration and thank you for cheering me up. It's snowing again, so I can't take my daily walk, not because of the snow, but due to the amount of ice formed during the warmer weather this week.
All the best, Gracy

*
*
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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

my dear friend you have gone and done it again good gracious the is true beauty never knew you had it in you old man lol

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on the fence about the title. I will see about it later. I am so happy to have cheered you up. I don't like the cold weather, but I love the snow. I can sit and watch a storm for hours. It's so peaceful. Be careful of that ice, I cracked a rib a couple of years ago, right on my own sidewalk. My fault for not wearing the proper shoe, I suppose. Stay warm and on your feet. ~ Geez.
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Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
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author comment

your title should be the one that you feel comfortable with, relax take a day to come back with fresh eyes and see, thats what i do and i know you already know this, its a wonderful piece of work.

Thank you...Teddy

see me blush. Awwww shucks, it's nothin'. Yes, I will keep it on the shelf. You're welcome. ~ Geez.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
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all night or on the other side of the world.
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author comment

here's some ideas you can think about :
Under a glitter splashed night-time sky
We sway and strut our stuff
There is no world around us
We two and that's enough

The rhythm of the music slows
The rustle of your dress
I in my slacks and best white shirt
We both looked our best

The band played a Latin beat
We danced on through the night
I never wanted it to stop
My heart held you so tight

Tick tick tock tick tick...
Tick tick tock tick tick...

We stepped and swirled through out dances
Your lips not far from mine
I was thinking of the after
We were drinking too much wine

The dawn was slowly breaking
I heard it crashing in
We couldn't go on forever
I never thought about our sin

Finally there is no time
We've danced the night away
But, we'll always have this memory
Come some sad and lonely day

Tick tick tock tick tick...

Just some minor things you are free to use or not as you want

I'll come back to them later after I get home tonight from shopping or maybe Sat. afternoon. [I'll be tired after shopping]. ~ Gee.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
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author comment

free time this morning and decided that I would look over what you gave me and make a couple of little changes. Thanks,~ Gee.
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Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
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author comment
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