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The Dance (by: eddy styx)

The Dance (by: eddy styx)

a stunning woman,
nature's work of art.
hazel eyes that flashed,
beneath a brunette part.

dark hair in glossy fashion
nature had not skimped.
her vanity was obvious
as she preened and primped.

the mirror, her bosom friend
this room had one on every wall.
a tiny woman, delicate and petite
for her charms, most men would fall.

noticing her lovely appearance
from across the well lit room,
crossing the floor, I bowed before her,
she not feeling her coming doom.

leading her on the dance floor
having taken her tiny hand
we flowed together swaying,
she was falling for what I'd planned.

this one I would humiliate
before crushing her windpipe,
watch her spit and sputter
this feminenine ego so ripe!

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
eddy styx is my Male, murderous, malignant alter ego who writes dark poetry.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I like the way eddy has set up the whole scenario.

Instead of trying to continue with the eyes as the principal
in the line: "they did not dart" [which sounds kind of contrived].
I would maybe say: beneath a brunette part. [brunette is dark hair, right?]

How about: [for her charms, most men would fall?]

[feminine]. Good stuff eddy! ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

thank you for reading, and your suggestions, which are always welcome. I have incorporated them into my poem!

ever, eddy

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author comment

Remind me to not dance with you lol

if we did...which one of us would lead???
thanks for reading and all.

ever, eddy

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

When Eddy dances, blood flows.

Dance of the devil is a new dance only perfected by the one & only STYX!

regards

One.

.
"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

that is so true!

love, Sis

thanks for reading
ever, eddy

*

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment
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