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C...Y...N...I...K...

Submitted by Esker on Mon, 2012-11-12 20:06

come to you
pouring like lashed thoughts
hot cedar sweats in steam rooms
tears of a dove falling
like the cloistered frost tanks steam
climbing

a hiss in sleep
gathered like a white wound
the bow of wings
in a shroud
while snowflakes nestle

the dark brows like shadows
neath a trestle
usher rush starts
like water
turning in its thoughts

purity
in the cold
secure as the band
of gold

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Ross Hamilton Hill

Mon, 2012-11-12 22:31

Ross Hamilton Hill's picture

some work for me, the more grounded, eg a hiss in sleep others don't eg tears of dove, too symbolist and melodramatic. also the rhymed ending seemed a little pat,
still it cracks along,
nice to read poems set in winter white, nearly short shorts summer here.

Esker

Tue, 2012-11-13 00:32

Esker's picture

Winter is not quite here
but arriving one day
"Winter White" I like that

thank you

author comment

Race_9togo

Mon, 2012-11-12 23:32

Race_9togo's picture
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I poke my head in after six long months, just to peek at what's happening, and...
...caught again in timelessness.
Ah
I'd forgotten the effect your words have on me.
I think I'll write some more myself, now.
Thank you for such beauty.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

Esker

Tue, 2012-11-13 00:33

Esker's picture

nice to see you again Jim
looking forward to reading your work

Thank You!

author comment

BettyBuff

Tue, 2012-11-13 04:16

BettyBuff's picture

So delicate, like snowflakes...dancing images. 'Cloistered'...fabulous word. Taken as a whole, the idea of cynical words, hot and angry are tempered by the coolness and clarity of nature. Your poetry moves me. I have an emotional response to it.

'Betty' aka Ellie

Esker

Tue, 2012-11-13 07:15

Esker's picture

I know poets throughout the eons have too
Its in the poetry here
the walks written of by many
that I read

up here one cannot miss it
our urban forests
the creeks left open and not
covered over with false tubes
to gain extra ground space

When I was and or am angry
I tend to slow down
to cool down

look aside and then I see
the things I need to see
that are right there anyway all
along

Its like the natural ability to write
I can flush it and try to keep up
by running..to match it and I always
ended up falling

had to fall a lot to eventually get it
to master that
which I have now

I am moved by your words Betty
one has to have an intellectual capacity
for recieving the understanding of a work
and then the social calm earned
probably or perhaps by the calamity of
white waters

trial by fire

Thank you Ellie!

author comment

Seren

Tue, 2012-11-13 04:35

Seren's picture

Your words weave through our hearts and souls
drawing us into your world, your imagery is stunning

Bravo(again)

love JC x

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Esker

Sat, 2012-11-17 15:43

Esker's picture

Well I am an artist...just a sketchy kind of fellow (ha ha)
I am happy Jayne that you still find my poems worthy
I remember the old Neopoet times..thank god there are archives
and they put them up.Damned nice people here!

If I feel Im going to write I want it to be something unique and
interesting to remain with the reader
thats just me...Like my sketchs I put something original
and of myself into them

perhaps as you write of your heart
and your soul
I put that into my poetry too

Thank You very much JC

author comment
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