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The Cutting Edge

The Cutting Edge

Shredding night with razor dreams
that brutalize its sleep
a tortured soul suspends itself in time
ankle deep in foreign mud
beneath a weeping sky
without the love of metaphor or rhyme

Fogerty wails out his plea
of who will stop the rain
as young men die in jungles dark as night
everything is wet as sweat
and everything is strange
the mud, the blood, and reasons for the fight

scenes now shift like camouflage
beyond the reach of why
the soul lies in a room with many more
wakened by a scream of pain
it cannot comprehend
from a dying soldier burned by war

the dreams come faster, sharper too
a slim-hipped girl that smiles
trading flesh for just a chance to eat
sadness wracks the soul with guilt
because it took her youth
a carnivore devouring its meat

as the tattered night wears on
approaching morning’s prayer
the soul itself is torn and bleeds again
from wounds received in former times
and vicious memories
of un-forgiven sins that cause it pain

C. Lon R. Bruso

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage: 

Comments

One can easily relate these days to such a write. Blood and pain are the only familier scenes especially in the Middle East. I thought that the opening and the closing lines work really well as well as the rhythm.
Powerful indeed.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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The face of war is ever-changing, as are its locations, but the black heart of its very existence remains the same!
I deeply appreciate your taking the time to read this and understand its message!

author comment

Expertly written verse, on a subject we can't even try imagine. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

Your input is always welcome and respected! Hope all is going well for you and yours during this Christmas season!

author comment

on the impact of the trauma of war. Few can bring home the reality to those who have been fortunate enough to never experience it.

If I may offer a small crit, perhaps the last line could be stronger still. Pain is not enough.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

I believe that you, like Rula, albeit from different perspectives, gleaned the same meaning from this piece. Its good to know that something I have written can cause a kinship of feeling across a wide range of personalities.
Thank you for reading this and leaving me feedback!

author comment

a great poem Lonnie
with the western feel...

easterners surviving wars
show a human connection
but the thinking format is
different then us by degrees
and in anything given out to
a trajectory it can mean
overshooting a grounded
need or hitting the target to
redemption...understanding
release....emotion dreams
passion heart...thoughts..

degrees....

belief and faith
coreblocks taught
tested and changed
by the revolution and war
of our world

writing of what you know
that is the truth and beauty
of this poem

thank you...

For taking the time to read, understand, and comment on this! Your take on this is spot on, and I am grateful for your well-thought-out response!

author comment

I am not overly fond of political poetry, except (and this is a big except) when the time attacks the piece. You have done this with dignity, style and grace. I thank you for I now have a new example of how I would like to see this type of poetry written.

Scott

Scott

War itself is never political except for the fact that it is usually run by political agendas! The players are but pawns doing what they have been "Told" by former generations of pawns is the "Right Thing" to do. We are what we are, dutiful little soldiers of our society, only problem is, most societies suck! Thanks for reading and understanding!

author comment

If there is a political theme to this one you will have to excuse me for not seeing that side.
I saw a man tormented by the reality of dreams, where he has been through the reality then the dreams take over.
I can only hope that as the years pass the dreams become less truthful to the times spent in that stark reality of war and its brutal offshoots.
Lonnie from all the writes of yours, and the truths you speak, I can only say thank you for doing what you did and I hope that our continuous thoughts of your well being make those times fade so that you can once again live happily in this world you fought to give us. Yours with the unconditional love and thanks of many, Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

My war experiences were not as bad as some, but were intense enough for me to never forget them entirely. And, during my many therapy sessions with other veterans of that era, I have come to realize that my ability to write about not only my own issues, but also those of others is somewhat of a double-edged sword. It is a form of therapy itself, to get it all out in the open so to speak, but also keeps the "dreams" coming. I thank you for your kind words and good wishes, they are both very much welcome and appreciated!

author comment

It's all been said, OUSTANDING POERTY.I am overwhelmed by your art.

Joe

I am grateful for you taking time to read this and to leave me feedback, as I am well aware that you are dealing with problems of your own. Chrys and I send you our best, and hope you are enjoying the Christmas season!

author comment

Thank you both. I wrote GRIEF as a cathartic piece, I am looking for an answer, Blessed Christmas and new year.

Joe

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