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Cursed

In the spinning of the blade,
a superseding wish for gain.
In lieu of noble sentiments,
a list of new ingredients.

The jolly round is passed on by.
A jeroboam of bubbles lie.
Grail like drinks are fortified
by angel’s breath and Gorgon’s tied

into a Mandelbrot bootlace
of needing more but saving face.
Poised pen and poisoned inks;
lots of love, heart breaks and sinks.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Editing stage: 

Comments

... "lol". I hate computer/cell phone shortcuts.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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I whole poem came in a rush, without thinking, but lol crept in there because my ex on f'book asked what it means, 'laughing out loud' or 'lots of love' so I liked the barbed double entendre.

author comment

Just ask David Cameron the UK's Prime minister LOL.
Yours Sparrow..

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

what you are saying in retrospect, it just didn't translate well. Maybe you could use: "laughing out love"? ~ Gee

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not being a texter myself I had no idea how much lol annoyed people, shall edit it out.
thanks for commenting
Ross

author comment

but Ross, oh Ross, that lol sucks.
I really would use words instead, lol is mostly meaningless even in text context. Nobody is really laughing out loud or giving lots of love when they type those three letters like a reflex. You could use a whole poem commenting on its meaninglessness.

Otherwise, yes, I really like this piece.

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
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thanks for your comment, as I said to Geezer I had no idea 'lol' was such an annoyance. Shall edit it out.
cheers
ross

author comment

it was such a distraction I couldn't see the poem as a whole.

into a Mandelbrot bootlace

magnificent line!

Thanks for this, I've been going through one of my periodic allergies to poetry and this has restored the faith. It belongs in the "Mindful and Meaningful" workshop with its close rhyme and near structure.

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

you liked it

author comment

... producing poetry by using only text shortcuts?

Not that I'm offering to lead it, of course.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

if you can find a texter who's interested

author comment

Now come on I have never texted anyone and the bastardisation of English is bad enough world wide, without having a workshop on the bassist language yet.
Our children are beginning to talk that way and here we are trying to improve poetry.
There will be no need for syllable counts as each text will be in single syllables anyway.
We will make you do the workshop for suggesting it lol, Yenti, Ian.T
Or swamp in Aborigine.....

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

This is a really good write I guess I came after the talk of 'lol' ? smile Jess took me to task about 'lol' I only use it now when I actually laugh out loud !

into a Mandelbrot bootlace --- love this line

sigh I cannot offer anything but a kudos

love Jayne-Chloe x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

like you 'lol' doesn't have bad connotations for me as I don't text, though see nothing wrong with it, lol is like asap, nice alliteration.
glad you liked the poem
ross

author comment
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