Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Cuffed poetry (Sunku Workshop)

Weary
and long days
chaos abounds

choked thoughts
cuffed in words
behind war bars

How could
poetry
be even versed.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Hi Rula

how well you have challenged your mind to come up with this lovely Sunku. I thought "Weary" could be a good substitute for "hairy"....it is likely that for some good reason you may have preferred "hairy" over "weary"...

Importantly you have made the reader perceive the situation you have created giving a sense of suffocation

I suggest you read the blog posted today by IRiz which speaks about the aesthetics

So good to know that i was right in inviting you to this Workshop..

Happily...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thank you so much for the support. I really wanted to use hair day for "bad days" I think I missed use it , so I'll change as soon as I decide to edit .
Happy to know that you think this one works for the shop.
Thank you again.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Yes...most certainly your poem works good for the workshop series and it makes me hungry for more of such cookies :)

Cheers!

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thank you for your poem.
It has a distinct voice.
The first word catches attention.
It prepares a reader to hear an unpleasant truth.
How I wish thoughts could be free from the constraints of language and culture.
I am sending you my bold telepathic hello.

Bold world
No shadows
Open thoughts, no words

Freedom
Openness
Nothing to hide

If only
my head is
less transparent

IRiz

2 3 and 4
right !!!!!

my mind ==2
may now stitch= ==3
some tonite====4

right?????

Thank you for sharing your heart.
It means a lot dear.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

the spot on suggestion and the kind visit Mark.
Have done the edit
Thank you.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

haiku
all know is about
nature mostly
and
5 7 5=17 syllables

Sunku
as I understood
it has no limitations of words (or syllables)
except
first line==single syllable
second line two
and third 3

or
may be
2 3 and 4 ....

Iriz
creator
may clarify more.

I am not too good at counting syllables
nor do I have the time checking with google
that is why as you know
my Sunku limitations
at my age
NOW I am too busy
WINDING UP for my
PROGENY
I will be in 8th grade
soonly

It is generally 2-3-4
with deviations allowed
Sunku has no limitations in words and themes
but keeps close to zen-like thinking valueing
three principles Simplicity, Focus on Presence, Imperfection.
Total nine syllabi per each stanza and total nine lines per poem are also important.

IRiz

2 3 and 4
shall follow
9 lines in all
ok 4 sure

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.