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Crumble and Fall - 2.0 (thanks Geez!!!)

I never wanted to be like ridged things
I've seen them crumble and fall
Fractured and angry at their failure

Rather, like the trees
The branches sway and dance to meet the storms
The leaves fall and renew

They do this countless times
through the years
Until the fires come
And they will come

But I will arise and become
until the fires leave me ashes

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
As many of us know, inspiration does not punch a clock. I was writing this in my head while driving to visit a friend. He was kinda pissed that I was late because I HAD to get this written down as I sat in my car in front of the sandwich shop where I was supposed to pick up our dinner. Pastrami doesn't like to wait for poetry, LOL!
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

this is very good, I like the pacing and what it prods me to remember!

*hugs, Cat

p.s.

poetry happens when It happens ;)

*

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

thank you for the book recommendation!

*hugs, Cat

*

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

made an excuse that the line was long,
their registers were down or something other than
I HAD to write down this poem.

I understand your thinking,
I'm just not sure of how to express it.
A tree IS a solid thing, was the first thing I thought of.
Maybe you could say something like:
"I never wanted to be like [rigid] things"

I think that the words [gambol and spin] would more portray
an animal than a tree. How about [bend and shiver]?
Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Thanks Geez! Really good suggestions. Rewrite in process in 3... 2... 1...

Michael Anthony

author comment

I'm only trying to help. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

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