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CROW'S VIEW OF POLITICS (major edit)

I ain't nothing but a crow
flying high above the ground
above neat suburbs and wild fencerow
as I call out the same old sound.

For almost two decades now
my wings have gone from sea to sea
often I raised a feathered brow
at contradictions that I see

I've glided over cities filled with people.
sometimes they march and carry signs.
And I've flapped while lighting on a steeple
all by itself save vast dense pines.

And all those people in their masses
and all of those who walk alone;
from up here I can't see no classes
be they newcomers or home grown.

And all the boundaries I have crossed
wide rivers, forests, mountains and plains
seeing grasses and lakes all wind tossed
during days of sun and days of rain.

But I've yet to see upon the land
dark lines as I cross state to state
nor markers on a hardwood stand
inviting political debate.

As I glide above this land
watching time and miles accrue
from Pacific to Atlantic sand
I've seen no ground colored red or blue.

Instead in time of flood or fire
howling storms and shaking ground,
when backs could turned due to ire
unity is always found.

For scratch either democrat or republican
neighbors or strangers when they can
while piles of aid build up and gather
these people are all American.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I reckon I ought to explain to friends over seas that there is a lot made of "blue" and "red" states over here with each color signifying whether the majority of voters in the state are democrats or republican. Figured I'd better explain it because the crow can't lol
Editing stage: 

Comments

Great poem.
However, I am not sure though that crows fly that far.
The poem calls for albatross.
You might also tell the reader more about all these different things the birds observes.
Instead you just use collective words .
You use two lines for the wind that is the same for all but is warm or cold. It is a mixed message to me.
Why don't you mention what the bird might witness
more specifically?
I love, absolutely love the last stanza.

Forgive me if I completely off and my comment is not helpful. I tried my best to comment because I like your idea.

IRiz

i appreciate your ideas. I have a bit of a problem. You see, I'm aware that a lot of my stuff tends to being pretty long. Or at least I think it is. And almost all your suggestions would most easily be cured by making this longer. Hmmm.... but maybe I can do this without adding lines.You see your comment has got me to thinking and now that unusual activity has made my head hurt lol. All kidding aside I knew this was Very rough when I posted it so all ideas are welcome.......stan PS I suspect most people are glad to reach the last stanza of my stuff lmao

author comment

If you want me I can show how to shorten your text and there will be plenty of room to add anything you had in mind. Long is not a problem if it has good attention grabbers. Unique and honest observations.
I am so glad you are not pissed at my critique.

IRiz

Never. I'm here to share my scribbles and read others'. But without critique how can I learn what I'm doing poorly or well? I'll see what I can do on my own over the next week or so. You have plenty enough to do without having to hold my hand........but I Do appreciate the offer....stan

author comment

Good Poem and good comments by IRiz also. Let me warn you though that unless it's fake news...such crows are out of bounds of the white house ..lol...

Regards...

raj (sublime_ocean)

That "no fly" zone might be a bit hazardous lol

author comment

and the execution too. But I fear that once we get on the land, there are classes, there is division between the newcomers and the home grown. There are the homeless, those who cannot afford their medicines, those who are outcast for their color, sexual orientation, religion, accents. I think it is one thing to glide above the land, and another on the streets of this highly divided nation.

The hatred that exists between the progressive intelligentsia and the reactionary forces in this nation is now very deeply rooted. It will be with us for many years to come- The division has reached the point that we each much ask of our neighbor, as the folk song by Phil Ochs, "it's only fair to ask you, which side are you on? " Do you believe in facts or it's all fake news? Are you happy with the performance of what this buffoon has done to the image of our nation, or are you disgusted to the core?

I wish I could believe in the message of your poem..I cannot.

.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

here in America we fight and fuss and give each other hell. But let somebody from outside attack us and suddenly we put petty politics aside and unite. Did you see samaritans during the fires, mudslides and recent flooding ask folks their politics before offering help?

author comment

Let somebody from outside attack us, we will rally around the flag. However, as I have been saying repeatedly since even before the inauguration, this maniac will inevitably be pushed into a corner which will force him to do what so many others have done in that position..make a war. This has been my fear, and I'm surely not alone in this.. He has two juicy choices in Iran or Korea, either of which a case of war will be made, and off we go. This is coming rather soon I fear.
We can also take note that the fires in Ca were not ever mentioned by our leader, as that state is blue. Nor was the throwing of bottles of water to a crowd of Puerto Rican's' considered an insult...after all, they are Spanish. I'm sure if you asked the Trump base about Puerto Rico, the answer will be loud and clear: Fuck em'.
Of course there is some compassion and goodness among us in disasters. How much will there be for the millions who are soon to die if the commander and chief will get his way when the shit hits the fan. Because of this terrible and real possibility, politics today, as in the 60's, is unavoidable.
Never have we had such a bellicose leader, and a group of powerful sheep who will follow him.
Am I being paranoid...perhaps, and we all should be with this erratic child who has such power.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

But it was inaction by previous leader who got us in the position of having to deal with both these rogue nations. Should we let Iran have nuclear weapons which they will then make available to terrorists whose chant is destroy America, the great satan. Or maybe we should allow N.Korea to actually advance their missile program to where we will then be vulnerable to Kim's black mail?
I don't think Trump will attack N.korea unless he attacks us or an ally. But we can keep tightening sanctions until his own starving army and people ove throw him. And if Iran slips up even once on their agreement we can do the same to them. NO American prez is crazy enough to start a nuclear war.

author comment

your poem pretty well, but have to agree that you can make a few more points. I don't care how long you make it. I've been known to have some pretty long works myself. If it tells the story, I will read it!
The crow just being a symbol; I don't believe it makes a difference how far their range is. ~ Gee.
.

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I'm just glad people feel comfortable enough around me to give honest feed back lol. I'm gonna give this an edit in a week or so......stan

author comment

in the case of Iran, depending on which bubble you are in, all our allies supported the deal, understanding Iran supports terrorism and historically is a world power, but the nuclear threat from them is vastly diminished. It's like climate change- the overwhelming number of diplomats and nuclear experts see the agreement in what they consider to be factual.You can choose to deny it. The world is safer with Iran without a nuclear arsenal. Even many voices in the Israeli military see the value in it. But the hawks want all or nothing from Iran. That won't work, and that's not diplomacy. Must we have a war?

As for Korea, any president would use the sanctions option to the extreme with no other choices. Everyone agrees the tighter the better. But the bellicose talk can only make the reality of a war more feasible, and rabble up the troops. It's simply dangerous. Wars have begun for less. I am not as sure as you are. WWI was as much caused by the brewing of militarism over a few years..people were used to the idea of the war long before it began. It made it almost inevitable. We are moving fast to that mind set.

We should also keep our sanctions with the Russians. Why has our leader defying congress which overwhelmingly called for them? In this environment of distrust, of all things!

..

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

But in my opinion we are better off with him than we would be with the other choice we had.Hillary would sell her soul for votes and/or money

author comment

as a politician is the world of absolute scoundrels, to be on top you must be a scoundrel. This should be clear to anyone who as studied American history. Even going back to Sam Adams, Jefferson and Franklyn, to FDR and all the rest. She was the most prepared person to ever have been in a position to take over the presidency, and despite all the shit she had to do to get to the top she was strong, smart, intelligently progressive without being too much the European Socialist (which for some reason unnecessarily frightened a lot in the center.) The economy was on the way up, all we needed was to keep on the course. She would have dealt with Putin much differently, and would have been no patsy to Korea.
Look, at least she had a soul to sell. For heaven's sake this guy lies to your face daily, you know they are lies, how can you stomach it? Clean Coal?
I know, with certainly, the progressive agenda is the direction of the up and down graph of the Hegel Dialectics in history. Things progress. then go back a bit, then go forward. Whether you choose to be on the right side of history or not, in the end progress is made. The slaves are freed,
women can vote, health care will win, society will take a larger part in the well l being of the people-
maternity leave, education. More government. Like it or not.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

I can see we disagree politically so I'll not try to argue about it. But we are both Americans and both want what's best for our fellow citizens. The fact we both have different ideas how to do that is what keeps things interesting lol....stan

author comment

Nunes Memo could be a good subject for you to write on considering the tremendous news it's making before being made public...

Regards,
raj

raj (sublime_ocean)

The present polarization of politics here is lamentable. But that is a surface thing. One needs not prick either a democrat or a republican very deeply to find an American underneath.

author comment

Well said Stan and I agree. Mean time I was listening in to CNN about the Memo which is now made public. From what I hear, my take is that it was like a forced premature baby. Let's see what happens next because what it has done in my opinion is rather than letting the Americans know facts they have served out a half baked cake and left the American people confused.

Regards...

raj (sublime_ocean)

beginning to look more and more as if the only collusion was between upper echelon FBI and DOJ and Clinton

author comment

well...i am keeping my fingers crossed...not being an American helps me in taking a your Crow's overview....for now CNN-Trump is like a reality show to me ...

Regards...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Good beginning, I see images behind the lines,
however the ending is now somewhat more deffused.

I like
I raised a feathered brow...

I would like to see more fluent flow, what do you think
about these small changes ?

I've glided over busy cities
with people marching and carring signs,
I've flapped while lighting on a steeple
all by itself but vast dense pines.

I think to make your blue and red question to stand out, I would omit mentioning classes and debates.
For a poetic metaphoric language if you talk about all the things the bird has seen and then in the last sanza that it doesn't see blue and red dividing the nation.
It would be better.
As if the bird heard something about this strange dichotomy of blue and red and wonders where is it?

IRiz

I've gone back and edited stuff after years so it's pretty much an ongoing thing with me. I've often found that butting a poem on the back burner for a spell lets me see it with new eyes. Don't confuse this with ignoring others' ideas about the poem as it's often those very ideas which lead to changes. So I'm gonna let this gather some more commentary then turn away from it for a spell before my next edit. I appreciate your input.

author comment
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