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Dark clouds roll
as thunder announces
your presence.
Lightening flashes
gracing their edges.

Prepared for battle
I stand in suit of armor
even though your war
is not with me.

Spin your web
of half-truths
and bold face lies
it will only contribute
to our demise.

Build yourself
upon my faults
to make yourself
look better
in other's eyes.

Ghosts of relationships past
who destroyed your life
but they aren't me.
I gave you hope
a reason to fulfill your destiny.

Go ahead
take her to bed
see if she's the one
but don't come back
when she is gone.

Efforts are useless
time has been wasted
your position perfectly clear
being alone is something
I no longer fear.

I have gone
emotionally numb
in this fight I cannot win
I can only hope
that someday
you pay for your sin.

Editing stage: 


There is an old saying some place that says:-
If you love someone let them go.
If they don't come back hunt them down and kill them..
Sorry had a Killer sense of humour, but this sounded like a broken heart that is trying to mend but by living in the past.
The way this goes is that you are better than this so start looking at your best points and push them out before you and that is the direction to go, unless this is fiction then a damn good write lol,
Yours Ian.T
PS:- I have read this several times over the past few days and was being lazy waiting for someone else to comment but this is Neopoet and at the moment it is like watching a kettle boil..

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

This was based on a real life argument...thanks for the read...I havent gotten much attention since I offended the fairy tale kingdom...I since found another site who enjoys such twisted humor. So I am here and there. I cant conform to the norm so.I will keep my softer writes for here and the other elsewhere. Glad you enjoyed this

Keep Writing,

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

Do you mean the Fairytale kingdom of the mythical Neopoet commentators or was it another site ????
Look this place is a workshop to help poets improve their style and forms of writing, some like myself may learn a few things but if someone becomes offended by your themes then they are not commenting for the right reason.
The theme of any poem should be for the poet to expand and not for the comments to be bad, If someone doesn't like a theme then they should not comment..
I think there are a few religious themes that get slatted sometimes but that also is wrong we are here to learn how to write poetry.
I write for people most times and I have my own site ( and several other places my poems appear in books (52 of them so far) but that is not important.
As Loved gets a lot of stick here, but I support those works, sometimes there is a piece worth waiting for.
I write for Triond and they pay for my works, not much, but it feels good lol
Let us see more of your works Carrie and you just bypass any comments that are not worth it..
Yours as always, Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I have re read the comments that came when you wrote the poem about Cinderella etc:
As the comments progressed it became clear that most of the bad comments were from a misread of what you were saying, but they missed the whole reason for this site..
I didn't see one comment on the layout or the form your poem took, and as you know I usually only comment on the themes of poets works, as I am not qualified to sort out the form.
I will be so glad when Weirdelf gets back I miss his exactness on reading a poem and advise that is the tops here.
You just keep writing,
Yours as always Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

You know I always take crit and try to make my poems better. I have learned a great deal from all of you, especially from working with Wesley. He has been a tremendous help in form/layout/structure. I know when I write in a bad mood or if I am overly anxious, my work tends to be all over the place and needs more revisions. My problem with the crit on that particular poem was like you said, it wasn't really crit. I felt like I was being attacked as a person and then being told I was a bad writer really put the icing on the cake. So I sat down and sorted it out and decided that type of work belongs on a site geared more for that type of writing. I have never been able to conform to the norm so to speak, it just has never been my style. I did submit the same poem to this other site and received rave reviews for creativity, structure, form, flow, a little bit of humor etc. I believe in giving crit on the things you mentioned but I dont think it is for us to decide who is a bad writer or not, everyone has their opinion of what is good. I like Poe but can't stand Shakespere, that doesn't mean that William Shakespere is a bad writer. He just isn't my cup of know what I mean. I did dig up my old works on the archives from when i was hardcorechick28. It was nice to revisit some of those poems and I will be reworking them and posting. I put the originals in a blog post on here just so i have them on this current site until i work through the ones I chose to bring back, so to speak. Anyhow, thank you for your continued support and advice. Always appreciated and well received....

Keep Writing,

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment
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