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Cowboys’ Scary Night

(a Ballad about Dental Hygiene
Sung to the tune of “Ghost Riders in the Sky).
It was a chilly desert night,
I cooked some pork ‘n bean;
the cowboys chewed tobacco cud,
their teeth were not too clean.

They brushed them only twice a year,
not caring 'bout hygiene—
till from the hilltop came a sound—
the scream of someone mean:

It was the Haunting Dentist Man
who came down from the hills;
in tow he had a hundred men
who hadn’t paid their bills.

They were condemned to suffer pain
and give us boys a scare;
each spook looked like a pumpkin head,
snaggle-tooth and flaming hair;

Old Bill sat there, his mouth agape—
he was too dry to spit,
but swallowed his tobacco juice,
then had a coughing fit.

That ghostly bunch came soaring by
with gingivitis breath
that knocked the boots off ev’ry man
and scared us half to death.

The dentist came . . . old “Scratch” himself,
with fire-red blacksmith tongs
and put us in a line, like posts,
the boys then sang sad songs.

They whined about their empty purse,
except for lucky me;
I flashed my pearl-whites and said,
“I have no cavity.”

The dentist screamed out in disgust,
“Hell’s bells! I’ve lost the game!
among this gawd-darn bunch of souls
is one I cannot claim.

“To find a cowboy still with teeth,
those odds are mighty small.”
And then he simply went away
with tooth decay ‘n all.

From far away we heard, “Yo-ho,
yippee-ky-ya, ky-yo,
hey, to the dentist you must go,”
yippee-ky-ya, ky-yo . . . .”

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content


Hellow Dear JK yes a Ballard and a fine one too. You put an entirely new meaning for the dentist assistant! lol oh dear, a good lesson too for those who brush twice a year " tut tut "
Such fun to read Sir. Keep your pearly whites in good shape, you never know when you will need to bite someone's bottom!

Thank you...Teddy

that's right. Keep those snaggers fit to hold on to a not-so-tender lower part of the human anatomy. Good advice, Teddy. Lynda just told me she encountered three coyotes as she walked our dog. They had their eyes set on our Teddy dog. So she said, but I think she meant, they had their eyes set on her cute bottom. Well, my fangs are still quite formidable. I brush them often and so I need to see the dentist only once a year for cleaning. Thank you for laughing with me, Teddy. You are fun.

author comment

I like everything about it; from the funny, jovial tone, to the theme. Great rhyme too!
Definitely a great ballad for teaching the young 'uns about proper dental-hygiene. ~ Geez.

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

you would think that a fellow nearing 86 years of age might be more serious and even spiritual--with one eye looking upward to heaven, writing hymn-like verses in praise of his maker, right? Wrong! I'm having too much fun being silly, lol.
Thank you for reading, kind sir. And keep on brushing those pearlies. Jerry

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