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COVID ONE NINER BETA

COVID ONE NINER BETA

He’d always wondered, was there some form of pity
having for the state of it, that it has no shine of it’s own,
and was always regelated to be in, forced content
in the shadow of the day.
Thus is another definition
of resignation.

During the covid nineteen crisis, we are -or perhaps should be -
asking ourselves not just how to get along
not just to simply live thru the crisis,
really to ask ourselves:
what can I do right now,
that will make a difference?

Somewhere, remembering a someplace
Where the clock hands are turned back
there the intention is to do good
not where anyone takes fun in the disarray of others
caring prevalent,
it is pregnant with expectation in that space.

Hear the low Tympani roll, crescendo louder, and louder
he raised his Trombone up to his lips
leaning into the note, phrasing, playing jazz
surpized yet again
at the big broad sound filling the ears
of those in the concert hall, this world stage.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This is the second “ONE NINER” poem, of four. Well, I ‘m working on the fourth... The first three are being published next month! Live Encounters Poetry and writing Journal. My thanks to them. I’ll post the third on here soon.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

to read two and then one again and much prefer the first. There is much to be said for the both of them,. but I felt that you lost some of the anger toward the subject with the second and tried to explain in a calmer manner. I enjoyed the accompanying trombone player as the compliment to the score however. ~ Geezer.
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You’re right about the loss of rawness, the loss of the newness of the virus... just wanted to show movement away from resignation that many were feeling as the pandemic continued. The trombone player is a oft used figure in my writing... he usually makes an appearance once a year or so...

author comment

Hi Ray, very good. The title is fine and the content so true. I like the questionning tone and the trombone. My only nit is the usual one, it reads like prose. I'd tweak many extra words out of it. Just saying, TorT, best Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

Hi Ray, very good. The title is fine and the content so true. I like the questionning tone and the trombone. My only nit is the usual one, it reads like prose. I'd tweak many extra words out of it. Just saying, TorT, best Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

The second stanza is perhaps too instructine, that’s the one that i think reads a bit too much like prose. The question and statement remained in my mind, and inthought this was the very bestest way to say it.

author comment
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