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Count (a challenge) by: eddy styx

Count( a challenge)
by: eddy styx

giving off 20 radiant smiles
laughing, on her bar stool
at her fancy country club,
still wet from a dip in the pool

15 days she has known
the new man, a mercurial stranger,
handsome and mysterious
with an aura of definite danger.

in 10 minutes they shall rendezvous
at his remote dark den,
charmed by his spell she notices not
they have traveled through the fen.

5 good reasons to stay on guard,
be aware of who is around
they may haunt or harm you
and run you to the ground.

#4 most obvious is a sex ploy
knock you off your pins
dazzling you with tricks in bed
and take you to task for your sins.

3 if you're really wealthy
a private eye should run a check
or you could find the lovely pearls
are missing from your neck.

2 if he is a dandy, fancy man
to the ladies he's not true
living a life, no wife?
he's single, from Kalamazoo!

you've got just one (1) life to live
so make it large and grand
a date with eddy styx
could mean bleeding out in the sand!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
I am the murderous, MALE alter ego of Candlewitch. I write Dark poetry. I put my Rage on the Page.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

and that you rhyme
but I think you need a little work on the meter.

Giving off 10 radiant smiles - fixes the meter

Delete [hair], it still shows that she just came from the pool.

run you to [the] ground

[and take] you to task for your sins

Or you could find the lovely pearls are missing from your neck

He is a dandy, fancy man
to his ladies, he's not true
living another life, no wife?
he's single from Kalamazoo!

a date with eddy styx
could mean bleeding out in the sand

Just trying to help the meter, and as always, yours to do with as you will.

~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

thank you for all the time put into this review/critique and I appreciate it muchly >{^*;*^]< Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

to put in an effort for someone with a good idea and subject close to my heart! ~ Love and hugs Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Exquisite poetry composed by Cat!

Excellent! Keep the pen flowing.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

if you like this one try reading the poem "Count" (A Challenge) thanks for your response :)

ever, eddy

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment
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