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Corruption

if the eyes are not blurred,
and our ears can still hear-
the ranting madness of the early morning cock.

then we say,
a cat had cried like a cat
and the early morning sun had smiled as usual.

but what if
the seer cant see
the hearer cant hear
and dogs welcoming thieves
to get tips

then,
what do we call that.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

then,
what do we call that. institutionalized corruption???

I like your poem, its strait to the point. I think welcoming should be welcome in order to keep the verbs in the same tense.

T

The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight

Exactly what is happening here tyro

always remember to make a critique of other poems
using the hoe is not madness for nothing

author comment

welcoming VS welcome
welcome would work better there :~)
Call it unreal.
Here to be gone again,

~Mark~

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Chiori,

For the line:

"and dogs welcoming thieves"

What was your intent. I understand there is a discussion about tense usage, but I find myself disagreeing for reasons I will share after I hear your intent. I do not want to impose my meaning on your work.

I like this piece, it serves a purpose of poetry to challenge and call out power.

---------------------------------------------------------

Jonathan Moore

cant = can't
also a question mark to end the poem?
just thought I'd stop in to let you know, Chiori :~)
Later now,

~Mark~

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you speak on behalf of all
MAN
edit as suggested
twill enlighten the frame

I like this a lot, only change I'd make is. ( and dogs were welcoming thieves to get tips ) clever poem. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

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