Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Corner Buzz (rhyme crimes assignment #2)

While Wesley went to Washington
we huddled in the corner
muddled by the former need to escape
those hollow halls of who we are
and write, right to the end, bent over blazoned quills,
infectious iridescence, over and beyond the order
of this fine corner.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
free verse with alliteration and internal rhyme
Editing stage: 
Workshop: 

Comments

Ok, let's see how I do with this:

While Wesley went to Washington
we huddled in the corner
muddled by the former need to escape
those hollow halls of who we are
and write, right to the end, bent over blazoned quills,
infectious iridescence, over and beyond the order
of this fine corner.

-----------------

The alliteration in the poem is pretty obvious: all the single letters highlighted .

"Huddled" rhymes with "muddled". They are both in perfect (or proper) internal rhyme. Same thing goes for "former" and "corner". Then there's "we are", which, to me, rhymes with "former" and "corner". Not sure what type of rhyme it is. I'll have to check, but it's definitely not in perfect rhyme.

Do "write" and "right" qualify as alliteration in this poem? I'd like to think so, but I'm not sure. "bent" and "blazoned" are a sure bet. Same goes for "infectious" and "iridescence".

"order" rhymes with "corner", but I'm not sure if Wesley didn't want us to repeat words.

Nice poem though. And I'm only using the terms so I get used to them :)

 

 

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

thank you for looking at this for me,
the write, right are "indenticals" which
were covered by Wesley on the main page
of this workshop although there is so much
there now it is hard to keep up with. The problem
with these two and perhaps others is if the poem
is read aloud the distinction between the two would
fail. Because of the sound, I believe they would also
count as alliteration like the "who" with hollow halls.

thanks again

author comment

I think read aloud this would stand up. Alliteration uses the sound to match, so "who" and "hollow" works. This was a cool little piece, but I'm starting to get curious as to why EVERYONE is hooked on internal rhyme. It's easier than some, but by no means the easiest.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

I find rhyme with
Wesley /went
huddled / muddled
halls /who (close enough for me lol)
write / right
end / bent
over/ order/ corner (close)

lol forget the rhyme Richard – I just love this write. I love the alliteration – especially the first line ‘w’s
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

perhaps just because I don't like reflexivity (mentioning Wesley) and the last line didn't feel to fit,
but the internal rhymes are sufficiently subtle to please me greatly.

Wesley, it's no great wonder everyone is hooked, you have taught them a new tool so seldom used. Kudos teacher.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.