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Control
My hand aches for my phone
But I must stay in control
I want to text you a novel
And let it all unfold
I want to tell you why I’m angry
Why I don’t respond
But a part of my mind whispers
The chair doubt sits upon
He has the power
To rethink every step
Untype a. Message
Never to be sent
Words never to be kept
Editing stage:
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Comments
raj
Thu, 2018-07-26 14:01
Hi
you have brought out in the poem a crossroad situation like that famous dialogue in Hamlet "to be or not to be"..control...restraint are indeed tricky things..sometimes they work but at times in hind sight make one look foolish in his/her own eyes...
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raj (sublime_ocean)
hopeless_writer
Mon, 2018-08-06 07:28
Hi raj
I completely agree although doubt can be a very helpful tool at times it can also be completely irrational yet we choose to obey it
author commentraj
Mon, 2018-08-06 14:31
HW
I agree to your take also.
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raj (sublime_ocean)
weirdelf
Mon, 2018-08-06 15:05
If "The art of poetry is compression of meaning"
then this is high art. A really effective piece.
My only two, very minor crits are in the (really splendid) lines-
But a part of my mind whispers
The chair doubt sits upon
It is just a bit unclear, although it doesn't necessarily need to be clear, what the 'chair' is. Whether it is your mind, the part of your mind that whispers, or the whisper itself. See how the line seems to sit by itself?
The other is whether 'Message' should be capped or not. (I said they were minor crits) [grins]
cheers,
Jess
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