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Contemplation

And so I turn to the weary face in the fractured mirror
Is this who and what I have finally become
Am I a God of the rights and the wrongs that I have done

Does light lead my way or blind my winding path
Is every careful step forward, just two steps back
I contemplate the errors I have made that I can never retract

The solemn face in the mirror no longer bears a smile
Emotion falls through my trembling fingers like grains of sand
I have given up any hope of ever finding my promised land

I accept that darkness shall guide me through my final days
I pray there will be a beacon of light at my journeys’ end
But until I reach that point of no return, my reflection is my only friend

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

recognize that this piece is a form that I can't remember, I like it! I'm not sure why, but it seems to be the right one for this poem. I think that most of us go through a phase where we regret a path we have taken and resolve to do better. Only a person without a conscience, can go through life without some regret. I have found that as I get older, I have random thoughts about things that probably have been forgotten long ago, but still make me regret them. I think that it is the process of growing up. [Although I can still be childish about some things like toys and such.] Ahem, I seem to have gotten off the subject; as to your poem, I like the way that it makes me feel like I'm not the only one. It is a simple reflection that has been plainly put. Your lines could use a bit of punctuation, but that is a personal preference for most people these days. You have managed to get all the nuances into this poem, without it becoming a saga. I don't see any mistakes and I thought that it flowed well from beginning to end. ~ Geez.
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It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

I really appreciate your take on this piece. You are right that I deliberately went minimal with the punctuation, mainly to keep the flow I originally intended. That said please do highlight any punctuation that you feel needs adding.

As for form, no idea either, it just flowed with the rhyming sequence I chose...I think!

As always, I thank you for taking time out to read & critique accordingly.

regards

One.

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"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

author comment

[And so,]

Delete [Ess] at end of [like] in 3d stanza

Question marks at the end of queries.
[I think that specifically, lines 3-5 are enough, so not to crowd them in.

Just a personal preference. Again, great piece! ~ Geez.
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It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Dear editor,

I have removed the ess but decided against the ?'s.

Appreciate the input mate,

regards

One

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"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

author comment

oh my goodness/badness! as Geez said, we all, who have consciences have felt the pangs of regret. the older we get, the more that their are. it is a wonder some of us can sleep at all. to quote you my favorite lines I would have to quote the whole poem! I love it...please pass on the inspiration, I could use some. as for punctuation...I'm the wrong person to ask, I sometimes ask Steve for help. it is so good to see you here, you always have quality poems.

*warm hugs, Sis

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

thanks Sis,

you are always a ray of sunshine with your comments.

regards

One.

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"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

author comment

I believe is the form.

you can look it up and see if you agree.

I really like a three line stanza piece. And I appreciate the way you put we readers in the place of feelings. Very nice!

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

author comment

Might that be this band: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cold_Therapy_(band) ? Perhaps if you narrowed down the year of your composition, it would assist you in your search.

I have only been asked to compose lyrics for one band, and that was years ago, in the seventies. I’d be hard pressed to locate either the recording or the words. Both are on a mysterious reel-to-reel tape over there in my extensive stereo stuff. Hmmm…. Been meaning to get that one out and copy it to a CD anyway…..

Are you a performer?

Regards, Ray

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

author comment

We all have regrets as time goes by. This poem has an almost Springsteen feel to it

I hadn't really felt a Springsteen feel to the words, but having listened to him after your comment, I guess it is an early Bruce style of lyric. If only I could have played the guitar, I'd be a very rich man now.

Thanks for dropping in my friend,

One.

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"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

author comment
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