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Conflict of Emotion (co author Geezer)

Submitted by lonlyhrtsclub13 on Mon, 2018-02-19 15:49

Confronted my demon
It’s been a while
There is a familiarity
ghosted in his smile

And so it begins
“Hello baby,
how you been?”
Here we are again

“If you had only
Done things my way
But you are the one
That went astray”

“It wasn’t me
Said those nasty things
It wasn’t me,
Taking your wings”

Lost in emotion
The conflict is real
I’m dancing with the devil
He’s trying to deal

I want to believe
Hang on every word
But, the lies in his eyes
I know it’s absurd

As I look in the mirror
Memories flood my eyes
Sneaking down my cheek
While I push them aside

Don’t tell me you love me
I know it’s not true
I’m just the prize
You think that you’re due

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

Rula

Tue, 2018-02-20 01:57

Rula's picture
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I thiught I should read some of you friends. I love your co-work carrie and Gee. There's clear harmony there so can't tell which is written by who. Many thanks for sharing.
Congratulations!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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lonlyhrtsclub13

Tue, 2018-02-20 07:34

lonlyhrtsclub13's picture

Good to see you back. Gee is a great writing partner and proofreader. Glad you enjoyed it.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

Geezer

Tue, 2018-02-20 08:56

Geezer's picture
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working with Carrie, we have a good time with the macabre side of our work. We bounce ideas off each other and it makes it easy to come up with something when one or the other of us is stuck.
Carrie has given me many ideas for my Killer character. Thank you for the read and comments.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

lonlyhrtsclub13

Tue, 2018-02-20 12:56

lonlyhrtsclub13's picture

We always have a good time when collaborating. It is really nice to have someone that is of the same mind and can help move ideas along when there is much to be said and nothing seems to be moving. Killer is one of my favorite guys, always happy to lend a suggestion for his next adventure. :) Patiently awaiting for his next one....

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

raj

Tue, 2018-02-20 07:43

The nagging mind games of the devil vividly expressed in this collaborative poem by you and Geezer.
In Line 3 of Stanza 7 would "streaming" be a good alternative or have you deliberately chosen "sneaking" to convey unwillingly?

Regards...

raj (sublime_ocean)

lonlyhrtsclub13

Tue, 2018-02-20 07:56

lonlyhrtsclub13's picture

Sneaking was more to represent unwillingly....trying to use imagery to capture the emotion rather than just put it out there. I think we have all danced with the devil a time or two. Some of us just don't know how not to go back.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

raj

Tue, 2018-02-20 13:08

Thanks Carrie for confirming that "sneaking" was more to represent "unwillingly" which fits the situation.

Regards...

raj (sublime_ocean)

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