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Conflagration (for chat tonight)

Submitted by Gracy on Tue, 2020-02-04 10:18

Conflagration
Patagonian collection

A wall of weaving flames
consumes coniferous forests.
Fireballs arch over brooks and waterfalls,
ignite woodsheds, barns, homes.
Goats, guanacos, sheep agonize
in russet glades, their wool
burning bright under orange heights.

Darting flares trigger new fires,
whistling through brittle undergrowth
browned by enduring drought.
Condors swoop over towers of smoke,
gauging nature’s insatiable guts.
Above this holocaust, hydroplanes hover,
resembling paper projectiles
flung by children.

Fire fighters defy the inferno
emerging from their trenches -
Goliath gobbles buttress, bulwark,
sandbanks and hoses,
bolts over white belted roads,
ultimately succumbs to glacier lakes.

Moon sheds serpentine rays
on smoldering Andean slopes.
A child cries.
Its mother prostrates herself
on warm cinders of her home.

I wander in silence,
a bulk of pungent pine cones
coddled in my hapless hands.

© Gracy, Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia. 2020

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
All constructive comments are welcome.
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

Gracy

Tue, 2020-02-04 10:23

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This poem is about Argentine Patagonia, where I live, near the tourist town of beautiful Bariloche. Surrounded by vast, glaciar lakes, snow capped mountains and ski slopes. My small home is on the slope of a hill, near my daughter, with a view of the lake Nahuel Huapi. We can have forest fires easily. Right now it is raining, thank goodness. We have a lot more water than Australia, I just cry when I think of that ongoing catastrophe, especially for helpless wild animals. And of course the brave firefighters and people. I pray for them daily.

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment

Geezer

Tue, 2020-02-04 11:08

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I'm not sure, but I think you are the first Argentine we have had on the site. You have used very descriptive terms to describe the fires, and if it were not for the Patagonian collection at the beginning of this work, I would have thought that it was about the terrible fires that we have had here in California. [The glacier lakes and Andean slopes gave it away likewise, for it being in Australia]. Your title is good, it makes one think of fire right away. The language is also good and it gives the impression of being very busy, much like a fire consuming the mentioned things. I noticed many words that follow each other begin with the same letters and I am wondering if that may be no coincidence? The poem seems logical and the pace, as I have said; frantic as one would expect a fire to be. While the theme is not one to enjoy, it certainly is relevant. I'm not sure that I would have used the word [frenzied] in the last statement. I would tend to believe that [dazed] or [confused] would be a better choice to describe the feeling. Again, welcome to Neo. I hope that you will be pleased with your time here and make many new friends. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Gracy

Tue, 2020-02-04 21:47

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Hi geezer and thanks for the kind welcome. I like your suggestion about changing those words. I was not satisfied with them myself. Yes, I used some words as alliterations. Are they unsatisfactory?
I will post a revision tomorrow, it's now nearly midnight in Bariloche.
Thanks a lot. And yes, I thought I might be the first Argentine here. It always happens. I thank my mother for speaking English to me from the cradle, but I believe I said that in my introduction.

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment

Eumolpus

Tue, 2020-02-04 15:46

Eumolpus's picture

I've traveled extensibility on all the continents, (and to Argentina,) but Patagonia is quite hard to arrange, like is Mongolia. My next trip!
Sorry to know fires have raged there too!
I think your poem reads well. Good images and sound.
I was distracted by
"Above this holocaust, hydroplanes hover,
resembling paper projectiles
flung by fools."

I couldn't see the connection of the planes, the fires, and why those playing with paper planes are "fools" in respect to the poem. Are you trying to use the image to show their worthlessness in the larger conflagration? If so, if the hydroplanes are trying to help, and failing, perhaps "children" might work better...

One day could you give me to travel tips? A big dream of mine is getting there soon.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Gracy

Tue, 2020-02-04 21:59

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Hi Eumolpus, I'm glad you wish to visit Patagonia. You can include Chilean Patagonia as well. There are now almost direct flights to Bariloche or Usshuia. They are both international.
Yes, you're right about "flung by fools". Not good. I'll use children, at your suggestion.
You'd have to fly to Buenos Aires and from there direct to Bariloche or Tierra del Fuego. Else to Santiago and tour your way down southern Chile, then over to southern Argentina. Just suggesting, maybe you only want to see Argentine Patagonia. We have winter skiing season, but tourism is the whole year, especially if you enjoy kayaking, fishing, trekking and so on. Our summers are beautiful and about 20 to 30C. The lakes are very cold, they are fed by melting glaciers and some rivers where you can enjoy water sports, white waters are abundant. Dangerous...
I'll return asap to tweak my poems and read yours and others. Thanks again.

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment

Eumolpus

Wed, 2020-02-05 20:24

Eumolpus's picture

I heard the Chile side had very rough weather a good part of the time, often disrupting a visit. Is the Argentine side a bit easier? I'm most interested in landscape and wildlife.

I have a sonnet to Buenos Aires. Mind if I send it to you?

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Geezer

Wed, 2020-02-05 11:20

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one more time, I realized that, no where in a work about fire, did I see the word fire used. I think the perfect place to use it, would be in the line: "Darting flares trigger new [conflagrations] fires. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Gracy

Wed, 2020-02-05 12:18

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Ok, that's another good suggestions. Thanks a lot. Going to read other's poems now.

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment

Gracy

Thu, 2020-02-06 10:52

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I've made the tweaks you all suggested. Thanks so much. Still open to any other ideas.

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment

c lynn brooks

Fri, 2020-02-07 00:26

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I could see through your words and sat in awe. Very descriptive writing

Chrys

check out our chat room open to all 24/7

Gracy

Fri, 2020-02-07 15:28

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Thank you, Chrys. Your words are encouraging.

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment
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