Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

COMPUTER CHAIR

Submitted by scribbler on Mon, 2017-05-29 23:34

I need a new computer chair
or else not spend so much time there.
My butt has destroyed all this ones pad
a result that only can be bad.

Plus this old one has no arms
and it's sans both style and charms.
It doesn't even glide or rock.
I'll bet that comes as quite a shock.

When I sit in it long enough
to arise is really tough.
Perhaps I need one with a lift,
a good thought for my birthday gift.

Hey, one that gives a nice massage
to my tired fanny give assuage.
But this is just pie in the sky.
With this old chair I will get by.

Style / type:

Structured: Western

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

scribbler

Tue, 2017-05-30 10:59

Hi Mark

I'm still punishing this chair which is the same one I had when I originally wrote this about 4 years ago. Cheapskate lol. I gave your suggestion about a change and made it, thanks for the visit and feed back......stan

author comment

Scatterhatter

Tue, 2017-05-30 01:27

This is great, scribbler!

This is great, scribbler!
I really enjoyed it.
Fun.
But I feel for your bum!

scribbler

Tue, 2017-05-30 11:00

Greetings

Always nice to see a new name pop up on my page. I'm glad you enjoyed this just for fun poem and my bum is OK, it's knees that give me fits lol......stan

author comment

jane210660

Tue, 2017-05-30 17:03

Lol

Can sympathise, mine is darn uncomfortable too.
I did splutter a bit, I can only assume fanny has a slightly different meaning in the US.
In the UK, it refers to a lady's more delicate parts...................
Jx

------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.

scribbler

Tue, 2017-05-30 18:54

LOL

It can be either over here but upon reflection it's more often used to refer to ladies. Now I need to decide whether to change that word. Good to have you come by......stan

author comment

Geezer

Tue, 2017-05-30 17:42

Yup...

In these parts, fanny is the bum. Bum; always wondered about that. Why do they call it a bum?
Maybe because one who sits on it instead of going to work, is a bum? Anyhow, I certainly can agree with the theme for this one! I have a second-hand chair that was given to me about four years ago. The padding is worn out because of my skinny butt. It swivels but that is about it, the wheels don't roll and there are no arms; just basic sitting for this guy. I felt the rhythm was a bit bummy, [I mean bumpy], but it didn't detract from the comic, light-hearted sense of the work. ~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

scribbler

Tue, 2017-05-30 18:56

Hi Geeze

This was an early write of mine and at the time I decided the humor might overcome the rhythm trips........stan

author comment

Geezer

Wed, 2017-05-31 00:50

It did...

Like I said; the humor was smooth. ~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

scribbler

Wed, 2017-05-31 10:25