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The Composer

I don’t know if she understands
the music she makes for me like I do.
Even though I can feel it plainly
simply when she breathes.

I listen to it over and over.
A melody so beautiful
it makes me feel sorry
for the shortcomings
of the best blueberry pie.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Love strikes again - LOL!
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The Composer is a short yet sweet poem that captures the essence of the love and admiration one holds for their significant other. The speaker expresses their appreciation for the music their partner creates, but questions if she truly understands the depth of its beauty. The imagery used to describe the music as something felt rather than heard is particularly effective in conveying the emotional impact it has on the speaker.

The one suggested line edit would be to replace the word "simply" with "just" in the second line. This change would create a smoother flow in the sentence and reduce the slight awkwardness caused by the use of "simply" as an adverb.

The final stanza of the poem is particularly strong, as the speaker compares the beauty of the music to the shortcomings of the best blueberry pie. This metaphor is a unique and effective way of emphasizing the power and impact of the music on the speaker. However, the poem could benefit from further exploration and development of this metaphor in order to fully bring it to life.

Overall, The Composer is a well-written and heartfelt poem that effectively captures the beauty of music and the love shared between two people. With a few minor edits and further development of its metaphors, it has the potential to become even more impactful and memorable.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Hello, Michael,
I don't know who is more fortunate - you or your wife. Beautiful title, tender poetry.
L

Thanks L! I would say I am the luckiest one, but hopefully she will say the same.

Best

Michael Anthony

author comment

You’re very good at it. The ending is different and it took me a few times to understand what you were saying. It’s an interesting metaphor and very original. Is blueberry pie personal in some way?

Tim

Thank you Tim, very kind. The second stanza had numerous re-writes before publishing (and the poem was several stanzas longer at one point). I am very fond of blueberry pie, but it doesn't have any deeper meaning for me. I used it here as metaphor, as I assumed many readers might be fond of it as well. I placed it as an example to juxtapose how something so generally favorable to most could be deficient and lacking compared to how I feel about the subject of the poem. At least that was what I was trying to convey.

Best

Michael Anthony

author comment
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